First Timer

[adinva]

Ok, I'm not trying to make you feel defensive, just trying to give in an outside perspective on the specific issue. The way you originally phrased was in your opinion she babies him waaaaaaaay too much. You added a lot to that statement when you were challenged, that adds perspective and context, tones the statement down, adds recognition of equal imperfection in yourself, in your later responses in your defense.

She gets upset when you don't agree. Maybe it's the way you don't agree. Your response is to pick your battles instead of to work on the way you disagree.

There are respectful ways to disagree, and using judgmental words like "babies him" and exaggeration like "waaaaaaaaay too" aren't respectful or indicative of the perspective and context you later indicated you had. What if instead you approached that as she is so close to him that she understands and anticipates ways to make his life easier, which is GREAT, but for him to be able to handle other people who know and understand him less well, he has this different relationship with you where you can work together on different and new coping skills or whatever.

I think picking battles is sometimes a good way of showing respect to your wife too, if you mean not disputing her on things that you don't even think are that important. But practicing ways of respectfully handling conflict sounds like a good thing to work on, and frustrating as it is, it can even be worked on with someone who doesn't show the same skills back. That's what I'm trying to do in my R, with irregular and limited success, but the skills I can gain will stay with me whether or not my H comes back.