Need advice. Here's my story

[Jeack]

I've been married to my wife since June 4 2011. 6 months later 3 days before Thanksgiving she asked me to leave and asked for a divorce. i obliged and filed for divorce after I begged pleaded and then began the last resort technique. We reconciled right around Christmas and I moved back in sometime in February. I was just happy to be back but our issues were never resolved. Which brings me to October of 2012 once again my wife was going to leave. She said that she needed to work on herself and figure out what makes her happy and she couldn't do it while living with me because she becomes to comfortable. She has this issue where she cuts people off and doesn't feel pain or sadness.

Which now brings me to my current separation, with once again her asking for a divorce and saying she is certain this time. Everytime we separate she blames the issues on me. In 2011 it was because I drank to much, So i decided to do AA. After being clean for 7 months she said I was boring and we should go get a drink. Now this time I'm emotionally abusive. I will admit after doing reading on the topic I do have a tendancy to fit the script. I'm also passive aggressive.

My wife grew up in a very different manner than I did. Her father was killed at a very young age. And then her mother was with a very abusive man (so she says never really knew him) who neglected her and her brother to always take the mans side. After some counseling on her part before we meet and during past marriage counseling. comes to find out that her mother treats my wife as if a best friend rather than Mother some term called "covest incest"

I have 2 children from a previous marriage to which my wife was fantastic with until about the time we got married. It would get to the point where I felt like she look at my kids like they were aliens.

I bought a house for us to live in which we moved into june of 2012. The house could only go in my name due to her poor credit score. She has student loan debt in excess of 100K with out a degree or anything. Basically her entire pay check goes to paying off debt. So in a nut shell My wife never finishes anything she starts including our marriage. I have some resent the way she has treated me and my kids, But yet can never let go because i do truly love her.

She has made no talk of reconciling and only when pushed for answers wants a divorce. I'm going dark now. Told her to get own car insurance and to cancel joint account. I feel bad cause I know her financial situation but feel i should be walked over and that those extra things i paid for were perks of being married.

Just very confused why I still want to fix this marriage and if I should just file for D again and see if she actually signs the papers this time. Any advice would be great.

[dbmod]

^

[Jeack]

How do you handle social media during a divorce, Ex Facebook ext? My W still has me as married and living at our house. At times I want to block her. I hate going thru this!

[labug]

So how about more info? Ages of you and W? Ages of children and do you have them full-time? What happened in your first marriage to cause it to break-up? Are you still working your program?

social media-block her. No need to see what she's up to, especially if it makes you crazy.

About your screen name, if it's close to your real name, people can do a google search and possibly find you here. Just FYI.

[labug]

Most importantly have you read DR?

[Jeack]

Very tuff day today looking for feedback on a few things

1.My wife was coming around after doing some hardcore DBing. texting and saying she wanted to come over house and get in bed, but she quickly turned back to friend mode. I calmly told her that i couldnt handle being friends with my emotional state and if she wanted to be only friends that she can't say things like getting in our bed ect. So i told her that I only wanted to talk as friends if was to move in the direction of reconciliation. If not to leave me alone because I was moving on before she called and texted. Was this a mistake?? Should I have been a friend even though i was getting false hope.

2. I find myself stalking her Facebook page and our bank account. I KNOW I can't snoop which brings me to my next question. Do I delete and block her or just stay off Facebook and leave her as a friend?

3. I know that she doesn't really want a divorce and if I chased her I could get her back. She loves attention. But then things won't change and we'll be in the same boat 9 months from now. I want her to want to come back not because I beg her too.

Thanks in advance for reading and your feedback!

[Breakdown]

I'd stop worrying about fixing the M and start worrying about fixing you. You've admitted you have some areas to work on....are you focusing on them? What changes do you want to make? What issues do you need to resolve?

With regards to FB, I think it's fine unless you drive yourself crazy with it. If you are, then block her and avoid the headaches. The bank account, if it's joint, I'd be watching it like a hawk too. You already asked her to cancel it, so get it done.

You guys seem to throw D around a lot like it's no big deal. 6 months in and already D talk? And you are throwing in the towel at that point? Do you really want to be married to this woman? At all? Usually "til death do us part" drives a little longer timeline. I'm not judging, I'm just saying, if your heart's not in it, why are you wasting the time?

In terms of chasing...if you understand the relationship is broken, and there need to be serious changes on both sides (and it sounds like it), then I would shoot for the changes, or you are just prolonging the inevitable. Fix your issues first....see if your W wants to come along.

[Jeack]

Breakdown, Thanks so much for your response. You nailed every question i had. Basically with her upbringing and attachment to her mother and her lack of growing up and knwing what marriage is like, is what doubts me about us. I want a stroong partner in life not to feel like my 3rd child. And yes we throw around the d word constantly. I've learned from my first D that if they say there done. to just get it done because of the financial repercussions. sorta of like calling someones bluff in poker. but then I file (when I don't want to)and then she doesn't sign cause she knows i mean business. guess its sorta like the LRT. so im DBing with out knowing it.

Bu t i need to break our cycle of me caving in being happy she's back and then the resnet kicking in for what she's put me thru.

Once again I truly appreciate your response

[Jeack]

Having a ruff day today. Woke up went to church. I have a dj business and meet with a couple about there upcoming wedding. Just [censored] having to put a game face on and see how happy these two people are together. When my life is in total chaos. Of course we had to meet at the Starbucks that me and my wife always went to. Then I drove by her moms on the way home and didn't see her car, thinking the worst. Just [censored] that she can't see or know the changes I've made because we never see each other. Haven't had any contact since Tuesday night. Wanna call her so bad. So I figured I post here instead. This [censored]!!!!!!!

[Intact]

Having a ruff day today. Woke up went to church. I have a dj business and meet with a couple about there upcoming wedding. Just [censored] having to put a game face on and see how happy these two people are together. When my life is in total chaos. Of course we had to meet at the Starbucks that me and my wife always went to. Then I drove by her moms on the way home and didn't see her car, thinking the worst. Just [censored] that she can't see or know the changes I've made because we never see each other. Haven't had any contact since Tuesday night. Wanna call her so bad. So I figured I post here instead. This [censored]!!!!!!!

I feel for you I really do because my stitch is exactly the same.

I'm pretty certain my W now enjoys being a part time mum as it gives her time with the OM. It is hurtful and sad - I also rarely see my W these days as well as she tends to always have to dash off when I do see her.