Thanks 25. You're a lifeline and inspiration here. It's difficult enough to get through, and having extra insight is so helpful.
I didn't invite him when he asked where we were at the game because I thought I wasn't supposed to add pressure to him. Was trying to give distance. Is that not right? There was only a seat next to D15. I truly didn't think he'd take it. He's a big guy and it was pretty crowded. I wonder if his bad R with dds is a roadblock to having a R with me...
I've been trying to figure out the being 'neighborly' or friendly vs offering friendship. I don't initiate any texts (except 1 this wk), but am cheery with replies when or if he initiates. But I felt that offering to save him a seat was more extending friendship & therefore pushing him away?
D15 & his R is a mess, she's the one I gave the 'road map' for. He's taken no steps to fix things with her so she still feels justified in her anger. And I've been supporting her for many months (she's made a lot of significant changes but needs the extra attention). And supporting her in a way has also meant supporting her against her dad (which truly, ive been wrapped up in so much anger through this ordeal it's been easy to be a joint mad team) I've just recently changed that to the friendly stage. I hope there hasn't been too much damage already done. I told D15 we're being friendly now & to get on board as best she can. Like your d, she just needs an apology from H but may never get it. And to clarify, we haven't seen H much at all for months. Nor have we communicated much at all. So we haven't been mad in his presence every day. I don't know what he's been doing but he hasn't pursued his kids.
D15 was the one that discovered his A by looking at his phone & he turned on her & yelled at her. So she's still hurt and he doesn't do anything to help her heal.
I did ask db coach if I should invite H to a celebration after kid events and she said no. Too much pressure again? The frustrating thing is that we were always good parents together and he thinks I'm a good mom just not someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with. So only seeing him at kid events doesn't does little to dispel that image. I'll see him at D17 concert this afternoon. We haven't sat together at dd's concerts since he left. Should I invite him to sit with me & D15 again?
