Ive been around here a long time, so this is just my opinion. Others may disagree and that's ok.
When I was in the midst of it all, and h was doing some horrific things, I certainly didnt want to tbe his friend.
Why would I want to be friends with soomeone who could do such things?
So, a couple of things helped me. I realized that I truly believe he was in crisis. This was not the man that I knew for so very many years.
Now, that didnt give him a free pass on his actions. But, if I really loved him unconditionally, then, aI loved him enough to let him go.
That was when I was able to figure out how I wanted to behave.
I did not want to be his friend. But, I could be cordial and calm and friendly (there is a difference). I used to think of him as a neighbor.
And then I went on with my life.
As I've said, I do have serious regrets about how I handled the financial aspects of my divorce. I, too, worried about rocking the boat too much.
If I had to do that over again, I would do it so much differently. Because that is two different things. Taking care of myself and my child should be the most important thing.
So, B, you do not have to be his friend. But, you do want to be strong, capable and calm. For you. And so that when or if he looks to you in the future, he sees someone who was in control, who looked out for his kids and who is someone he can rely on.
Trust your instincts. We are from Brooklyn, we have them in spades.
