Life with a Cake Eater

[mizjjd]

Still purple!!

I'm very proud of you!

Mizj >>beams<< and >>basks<<

As for personality traits, many of the mlcers display the narcissistic personality because they become so selfish and self-absorbed during the crisis.

I agree that MLC= Narcissism in many ways. The reason for suspecting "more" than just MLC (like that isn't enough all by itself lol) in my H's case is his life pattern - behaviors displayed for the last 20 years of our lives plus what I know about his life prior to me. For many on this board, the MLCer has done a 180 from nice to unbearable. My H did that about 18 years ago. So either he's having an MLC of record length or there's other stuff going on.

I wouldn't say he's hard core full blown narcissistic, but the traits seem, to my untrained eye, to be there.

This somewhat addresses the question posed by Being Me

That's the one thing I wondered ... why are you "waiting on him hand and foot"? I bet you're not going to get any brownie points for nursing him, and more than likely he'll forget it the moment he's better.

The hand and foot thing has been our marriage for nearly 20 years. If H notices, he doesn't say anything. He doesn't reciprocate - never has. I don't even expect him to anymore. (The zero expectations policy is very easy for me - cause I've had lots of practice )

From Joanna M. Ashmun

There is only one way to please a narcissist (and it won't please you): that is to indulge their every whim, cater to their tiniest impulses, bend to their views on every little thing. and do not expect any reciprocation at all, do not expect them to show the slightest interest in you or your life (or even in why you're bothering with them at all), do not expect them to be able to do anything that you need or want, do not expect them to apologize or make amends or show any consideration for your feelings, do not expect them to take ordinary responsibility in any way. Once they know you are emotionally attached to them, they expect to be able to use you like an appliance and shove you around like a piece of furniture. If you object, then they'll say that obviously you don't really love them or else you'd let them do whatever they want with you.


Now as I understand it, an extreme narcissist is like the above 24/7 without even a moment of "humanity". My H is not without glimpses of depth, warmth, consideration etc. But they are "glimpses", fleeting and as common as unicorns. (Well, ok, more common than unicorns )

Do let me state unequivocally that my H has NEVER EVER been physically abusive to me. So while I might be "furniture" to him, I am not actually "shoved".

IF we are to continue living together, the hand and foot stuff pretty much has to also continue. Or H will get NASTY. He's set his heels in (for now) and while I'm better off financially now than 6 months ago, I still can't afford to leave. And I want the house - to be quite frank and bold about it.

I expect him to leave. (OK, so I do have SOME expectations!)

Whether its for the gf or for his parents or for whatever whim strikes him, I expect him to leave.

Or, I expect that I will finally get enough funds together (my job MIGHT go full time!!!!!) and the kids will move on and I will put a bow on the house and wave goodbye.

Can I ask what the job is that you love?

Sure. I'm not real clear on how "anonymous" I have to be here on DB, so hope that I'm not breaking any rules.

I am working for our local civic center as a "Box Office Customer Service Specialist".

More than the work, its the treatment I have received from my bosses and coworkers.

First day - here's copies of all the keys (trust)

-we're counting on you to help develop an expansion (faith)

-we'd like your input (interest in what I have to say!)

I cannot properly express how significant this is to me. It makes me tear up -happy ones- just to think about what a GIFT I have been given in the form of this job. Sigh. You just don't know Mercy but I've gotten sappy of late.

Thank you one and all who stopped by!!

I hope your weekend is going well and that you are finding refreshment for the coming week.