Thanks for the response. You have given me inspiring advice!
No, I don't believe the infidelity was the sole cause of my drinking and I have acknowledged that to my W. "For the most part" meaning when I drink today it is moderate drinknig as the late nights are no more. I chose to drink and I can choose not to drink as life is much better without it.
As for the infidelity, we did very little about it. It was buried and I was left to my own devices in dealing with it over the years.
I have actually been spending alot of time with my children. I went for four visits last semester after W left (2 hour drive).
Forgiveness was not modeled well in my childhood at all. That is why these last four months have been instrumental in my personal growth as it never really clicked in me that forgiving my W was nothing more or less than a CHOICE and had very little to do with a FEELING. The realization that I have been focusing on my self all these years and dweling on my pain has been a powerful change for me.
Thank you for nudging me off of the LRT as I have been thinking the very same thing; that is, whether it was time for me to start showing some interest in my W. I have the same concerns that you write about. We have had some communication since dinner last Saturday and I am considering just asking her if we can start dating. She stated last week that she would like to meet for dinner periodically and hoped I would be amenable to that and I said I am.
For Valentine's Day I did send an Ecard with the message that a gift card was waiting for her behind the bar at the wine bar she patrons with the girls from work. She loved it and sent a return Ecard.
I am just not sure what to do from here? I don't have a coaching session for another 10 days so you guys will have to be my coach for now. Any suggestions? Should I risk asking my W to date or should I just do it by asking her out for dinner? Or should I wait for her to ask me out for dinner?
After my W announced she wanted a D and I begand DB these were my GOALS:
(1) For her to call me and we just talk (this happened after about 2 or 3 weeks of LRT; we talked for 1:23);
(2) For her to invite me out for a date (this happened last Saturday and she said she would like to meet like that periodically)
There is also a part of me that says I should just continue working on myself. I just don't know how I am supposed to measure when its time to reach out to the WAS????
