Sexless marriage. H Left. Now retrouvaille in 3wks

[stilllookingup]

I'm thinking the right response is standing up and taking responsibility. So unilaterally do everything you can to understand why you are Low D, medical, psychological, reading, counselling etc. He should know that you are doing everything you can to improve yourself...all the GAL stuff...including learning who your sexually.

Its like standing up and saying OK, I understand what I have to do, I'm doing it. I'd like you to do it with me. But I'm not doing it to pull you back, I'm doing it because I want to be a better me and a better me includes a more balanced relationship with sex. Standing up, not running toward him, but also not turning your back toward him.

This is a great insight from the other side of the seat. If you see my first post on my thread, you can see that I did this when my H first broke down. I told him my honest feelings about why I couldn't participate in LM much. I took full responsibility for my part, promised him I'd go get IC for mental health and go see a Dr. for physical part (It hurt most of times we had sex and I slowly started feeling scared before sex) He was very impressed with my new commitment and we actually had the greatest night that day.

What I did wrong after that though was I was doing it to pull him back. That's all I focused. The more counselings I went, the more sex I "scheduled" every Fri, he looked sadder and sadder leading up to BD. He didn't want me to try to change for him. He didn't want me to "schedule" sex because his complaint was less frequency. He wanted to feel genuinely cared and loved.

Few weeks after BD, I finally started getting it. I finally realized this isn't about pulling him back but being a better me. Oh how I wish I knew then..