I think you are one of the strongest and most honest people I have met.
I know we feel pressure to do everything right all of the time...to be detached and in control of our emotions. To handle our MLC/WAS with calm and patience and compassion and kind eyes. This by no means is always possible. If it were then we would not be human...
I know I get better at it with time, but there are plenty of times when I feel like you have described. And to echo Acc, I think when I try to deny my feelings, it gets worse. I feel it fester. Its only recently that I have tried to apply the 'what you resist, persists' idea, and hence have tried to accept that I feel like absolute poop sometimes. I am a tired single mom, with an H that denies me in all ways, has not rethought his decision once, replaced me in every facet of his life, and even seems to resent having me as the mother of his children. Poop.
At the same time there is a beautiful part of my life that is ALL mine. The learning, the growth. H can't touch it. The everyday joys I get to experience with my kids that he chose to not be a part of. I miss my H KG and I want to save my M too. You know that. And we still love our Hs....is that a sign of STRENGTH? To love in such adversity? Feel proud that you can do that and not have had love beaten out of you but rather grow and flourish into a more giving act.
KG you write and feel what so many of us cannot express. Your honesty has touched my heart and has forced me to be more honest with myself as well.
You are a source of strength and love and kindness and patience.
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TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
