I would say no on the card from the baby. That's pursuing.
Hiring someone is a tough one. On one hand it just part of you being independent and getting a life. On the other hand I'll bet a dollar that he'll be hurt and feel rejected. I guess I'd say have them done, but prepare to have him "come at you" in conversation afterward. You want to prepare yourself with a very detached, non-blaming, non-accusatory response.
Finally, read through SSM as soon as you can. I'm working through a SSM. I can't begin to explain to you want it does. Don't be frozen by the past after read it, just move forward with the learning.
I can't wait to read SSM...I know it will make me sad and mad at the same time...but I need to still work on the m to get to the point to try to then work on the sex life...
YEah it is hard with hiring someone...we have had this generator for three-four years and H was going to do all the work himself and he has not...as for the garbage disposal H had told me to have someone else do it.
The generator is our only back up help if we lose power, I live in New England and we have no other form of heat...H may be mad but also maybe happy that it is finally done...and not a stress on him anymore...
I plan on doing the rest of the work on the basement today by myself, finishing cleaning up and putting up some insulation in basement..I had been helping do this before too..
I still am back and forth on the card...I did give him one for Valentine's Day from S that I had previously bought and we are big on cards from child to parent etc...maybe a present would be pursuing but still don't know about the card...I still have time it isn't until the 22nd.
Another question is Holiday...thinking of asing H is we can discuss Easter at some point, over phone seems to work for us...my plan is to offer him to come to house in am to see S in morning, then to my family as he does not have any in state or close by states...then H can visit on Saturday and Sunday evening...H knows that we always go to my parents and have big hunt etc. but I want to see what his thoughts/plans are.
Question...if sex was a major issue in my m how do I address this.
I am in ic working on this along with self esteem issues, also trying to take care of self, lose weight, exercise (I had been doing this since Nov.) also trying to do things that will test me...having a 'toy' party which I always wanted to do. I am an adventurous person...I think that feelings and emotions played more into our sex life to contribute to lack of, I was the LD s.
Is there other things I am missing...I have SSM on order and should get it next week...
Have not spoken to H about it at any great length except to say that I also thought there was issue in this area. Have not gotten a chance yet to speak on how it must have made him feel to not get these needs met throughout our marriage...have to wait for the right time...why to early for this.
We have very similar situations. My h didnt work out if town, but worked a lot and i always felt like the single mother. Unfortunately, i don't really have advice as I am going through the same thing, just a few months ahead of you and I have made so many mistakes and essentially I am starting back at the beginning.
If anything continue reading, continue gal'ing.
H:37 W:37 M:10 years D:7&5 Bomb:9/7/12. H moves out H moved back 12/23/12-not going well Retrouvaille 1/18 H moving out again 3/14
Thanks AM2012...it is hard to know what is the right path sometimes...
Right now trying to not be the controling, nagging w I use to be, the hard part is I am so willing to change, just that I was not willing to see the signs in the past and see what the outcome could be at that time. Now it is hard for H to see I am meaning and wanting to change.
It will 10 days for H to see s/me by Thursday...not expecting anything different...but can't wait till the time H is willing to talk to me more about things...been a while since...
Trying to stay neighbor like with out pushing, I post pics of s on FB and tagged him in them like I usually do, might have been a little pushy, but this is something I always did and H never had problems with before. Also told him to have a good time this weekend to which he then let me know his plans for visiting next week.
Left it at that...I am also scheduling a babysitter to be with my s on Wed nights so that I can do Yoga and Zumba...this is for me...something to push myself as I always thought about doing it but never did.
Sorry Am2012 thought I posted a reply to you...guess not...
Well we can start together!
Thanks for the support too...
I have decided to start going to Yoga and Zumba on the 13th got a babysitter lined up and will be beginning...H always told me to get out and do things...told me when he left that I had to make myself happy...so that others around me are happy too...
H thinks I was an unhappy woman...I did not see this about myself...a lot of my unhappiness steemed also from H being out of town and away from home so much...
I love my H so much and love to have him around but because of the resentment could not bring myself to get out of my own way to show him how much I loved him and missed him until it was too late...
Also the pressure of another child at this time did not help...I think H did/does not want another child and had not for sometime but could only start telling me in Dec, when I brought it up. Which of course I took defense too.
I can't change the situation now, but wish that H could have been more open to me at the time and I could have been more receptive to it...
I also should have looked more at how hard it would have been for me dealing with two children and H working away so much.
If H and I look at R we need to look at our living sitch...do we need this big house, the toys we have, etc., if less finances made it so H could work less and be home more than that would be great...
Hard thing is that to R I think H might have to look more at his job...this is a huge stress for me, h and our s. Him being gone so much lately since BD has not been that big of a change...this I fear is not a good thing for I or H. H is going on 10 days with out seeing s since he was born...this may effect him some...we will see...
If H and I look at R we need to look at our living sitch...do we need this big house, the toys we have, etc., if less finances made it so H could work less and be home more than that would be great...
Hello. Oh wow you, AM and I are in the same journey it's not even funny!
Quetion. Who wanted the big house you speak of? Did you both want bigger the better things?
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
This was the first house we have owned...for each of us...rented together in the past...we have been together since 19 and 20.
Since owning this house I have wanted to do things to it, change it etc., I like to do those things, but H does not and it always to tired or busy to do them...
So we would need a smaller house, with less upkeep and less expenses so that H would not have to work as much or have the pressure on him about the house...
I love my house, do not feel it is too big if we add another child, but feel that the house payment adds stress to H, but we did refinace and get it down $500/month...
H likes to have new things etc., I would rather he be home...I don't know if H would change his job though...he likes it but I also know that he would want to be there for s as he gets older in in the position he is in right now it is too unpredictable...
I would love to offer this up to H right now...but it is too soon...just hoping I can get to the point to say it before it is too late.
We do both like the bigger the better, I am to blame for wanting more and spending more, was not like this before I met H, we did not have a lot of money growing up but never went without...since I have not been working our spending has stayed the same which is not good...
I am also considering selling my car to get a less expensive one, but people keep telling me that will effect divorce sitch...I don't think I really care about that too much if it will help in a little way to stop from getting to that point...
Thinking of maybe telling H I was thinking of selling vehicle for one with less of a payment...plus we bought an SUV because he did not have a truck....which he has now sicne buying a brand new one 5 days after asking for d
okay...sorry need to vent some...frustrated today...
My child is sick, whinning, not sleeping well...so you know what that means for me...house is a mess...just found cat puke on the stairs after already picking some up this morning and yesterday...
Man this is one of the days where my anger at the situation is hard to keep in check...
Needed to vent on here...
NOW...put s down for nap, got to clean up some, try to get my work out in and make it til Wednesday when I see IC and Thursday when H finally comes to visit with s...this will be 10 days...and for this last month since BD he has been here one night to help with s...
So crazy the thing I resented so much before was the feeling of being a single parent and here I am!
well I did pick up the house some...went to exercise, can't find the remote for my DVD, so decided to read...feeling a little better now S is up, dinner, baths and bed to start again tomorrow...
Need to get out of the house tomorrow that is for sure!!
