Grizz, sorry that you are in this situation. Agree with the other posts here. As hard as it may be, I think you know what the right choice is. IMHO you can never go wrong with being supportive of family - even if S is currently masquerading as an alien.
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
I also agree...choice 2 is being a supportive father for the girls too...what would be the alternative if you did not change your schedule and she still continued with her job...how would that affect you girls?
It is hard when they are so loving to the children, which we want, and then the LBS gets a 'bye' and sometimes H does not even look at me when he says it and it has an altogether different tone...stinks!
Yes, in more normal circumstances I would change my work schedule and not even think about it.
The coldness hurts. I was holding my girls this morning and W kissed them both said I love you to each one and looked at me and said bye. This isn't really anything different, it just hurts.
I know this feeling. It cuts deep. My W will say "my son" or "my daugther" to someone else with me standing there. All I can do is accept that is where she is at right now.
Hang in there Grizz. Accept that your W has things to work on and you focus on just your stuff. As I've seen so many times on this forum make yourself into the H only a fool would leave.
Well it looks like things are progressing. She received a credit card in the mail today. She didnt have one before (her choice). Guessing this is the next step to leaving.
Something else that gets me.... Every weekend recently she has gone to work. You know, the job she hates and can't wait to leave. Early on during her anger phase she told me that as much as she hated her job that she would rather be there than at home. But what gets to me is that she never sees the kids. She says she misses them but she makes no effort to do anything about it. Just venting.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
What a roller coaster! Ugh! So, I hug her goodnight while in bed........we ML. However afterwards she rolls over and sleeps on edge of other side of bed. NO EXPECTATIONS! I must continue to tell myself this. But it is so hard.
My question: MWD says it is ok to continue to ML. W will ML as she did tonight if I initiate it (occasionally she will initiate it). How do you not pursue and continue to DB but also attempt to continue to ML to keep some kind of connection as MWD says? Any input is greatly appreciated.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
I can see her going to the other side of the bed would be exasperating. Since your BD in November has your W initiated? Does your W do something different after ML if she initiates?
I guess I need to go back and re-read what MWD said about ML. I probably went thru that part of the book quickly as it has been 6 months since W and I have ML
Just curious if you are talking to a DB coach and what they would say about what is going on with you and W with ML.
She has initiated since BD. previously she would lay in my arms. Tonight is the first time she has tried to move away. I haven't spoken to a coach. I have been seriously considering it however. Our legs are now at least touching. Usually (on normal nights) she makes sure that she doesn't touch me in bed. I guess that is a positive. MWD says ML inherently leads to a connection between two people. Continue to ML as long as it doesn't effect you in a bad way. But how do you initiate ML but not pursue? Seems contradictory.
My first thread was titled "confused by WAS" and I still feel that way. Looks like I will feel that way for quite some time.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Well, stupid Grizz. I just asked W to come sit beside me for a minute. Her reply, a sarcastic "why". I said never mind then asked her what she would like for dinner. Says she is not hungry then leaves the room.
It had been an ok day until I left the house to go to the store and told her that I was going to run by a friends house for a few minutes. Ever since I have been home it has been the cold shoulder. I have said it before, I really think she gets upset when I go out to do something (GAL). This really makes it hard to GAL because it seems like it sets us back each time I try to.
Has anyone else dealt with this?
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Well, stupid Grizz. I just asked W to come sit beside me for a minute. Her reply, a sarcastic "why". I said never mind then asked her what she would like for dinner. Says she is not hungry then leaves the room.
Grizz, seems like you initialting contact sometimes goes ok and sometimes does not. To me when you initiate contact that is pursuing. Perhaps give her more space. Not easy being in the same house. But I think she is letting you know that she needs space. I don't know if you could come right out and ask W. I have asked my W (at beginning of sitch and two occasions since then) about giving space and not touching and she confirms that is what she wants me to do - give her space and no touching. I have let my W initiate all contact. That at least makes it mentally easier for me in that I don't think about is this a good time or not a good time to initiate contact.
Originally Posted By: Grizz
It had been an ok day until I left the house to go to the store and told her that I was going to run by a friends house for a few minutes. Ever since I have been home it has been the cold shoulder. I have said it before, I really think she gets upset when I go out to do something (GAL). This really makes it hard to GAL because it seems like it sets us back each time I try to.
Has anyone else dealt with this?
I have not experienced this. There are all kinds of GAL activities. I know you do things with your D's. Does W get upset about that? Is she only upset with GAL activities that include friends? What if you go for a bike ride? Would she be upset about that?
Thanks for the reply. She does not get upset if I do things with my D. It only seems to be if I go out with friends.
I am totally lost with initiating contact. Obviously there are times when she is open to it since we ML. Actually I am going to stop calling it ML. Seems like it is just sex to her. That hurts to type that.
Now the most recent development......guess who is back in the other room tonight to sleep? Yep the W. after being back in our bed for the past several nights. We have sex last night and now she is back in other room. Go figure.
So she just now comes in our room softly crying and says " I am sorry that I am hurting you". I told her that I know that she is hurting too and I am sorry that she is hurting. I told her I just want her to be happy. That I don't want M to end but if that is what is going to make her happy then maybe that is where we are heading. She kissed me on the cheek and went to the other room.
I haven't cried in a while until now. And here I sit sobbing like a d@mn fool. This is awful!
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
