Out of everything you wrote, 2 things jumped out at me, 1) "did 15 loads of laundry"! Is there a way you can change that? My sons have been doing their laundry since they were about 12-that's what worked for me. You probably have other possibilities, maybe you could exploring them.
2) Control...it's an illusion. Just float with it. Learning that has been of more help to me than anything while dealing with my S's mental health issues and while your S's issues may be different, there are similarities.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
