Wow, you are sure dealing with a lot. I will say a prayer for you and your son. I am glad that you have taken a no tolerance stand against drugs in your house.
I mentioned my friend in an earlier post. His son ended up moving out. It is tough to draw such a hard line, but I personally believe it is the only position you can take.
Out of everything you wrote, 2 things jumped out at me, 1) "did 15 loads of laundry"! Is there a way you can change that? My sons have been doing their laundry since they were about 12-that's what worked for me. You probably have other possibilities, maybe you could exploring them.
2) Control...it's an illusion. Just float with it. Learning that has been of more help to me than anything while dealing with my S's mental health issues and while your S's issues may be different, there are similarities.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I agree that control is an illusion. I don't seek it as my goal. I certainly don't think I have it. Influence is something I can have.
So the kid snuck out last night. I called three parents at 11:45 and spoke with one of them (so far) about what is going on with this group of kids. I picked up S at and drove him home. Told him I love him and we will talk about consequences when I'm not too angry to be productive. I still wanted to say some stuff so I told him the very next time anyone takes him anywhere without my permission like that I will fill a kidnapping report with the police no lie.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
It's shows such strength and understanding that you were able to postpone discussion of consequences until when you weren't angry.
There were days this time last year that I felt I was walking in quicksand and never was quite sure what I would find when I got home from work. My IC helped me make it, keeping my head above.
I say this not to compare but as a kindred spirit. You will make it through and learn a lot along the way.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Sorry you are having such difficulty with your S15!
Looks like you are doing an amazing job. I second what bug said about waiting until you were less angry.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I know in the grand scheme of things, this is meaningless, but it is very big for me at this moment.
Just wrenched 12 months of our credit card bills out of H because he's been asking for reimbursement from my company for the webhosting that got set up on our family credit card. In the past he did not share the credit card bills with me unless he had a specific question. So I'm seeing them for the first time.
12/5/12 there was a $250 purchase at a sex toy/lingerie shop.
I can tell you that was not me, nor was it for me.
So he is cheating. And he really suxxx. I'll feel sad about it right now and maybe a few more minutes, and then I guess I'll get back to what I'm doing.
Nice that he spent more on this crap than his kids at Christmas though.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I know in the grand scheme of things, this is meaningless, but it is very big for me at this moment.
Just wrenched 12 months of our credit card bills out of H because he's been asking for reimbursement from my company for the webhosting that got set up on our family credit card. In the past he did not share the credit card bills with me unless he had a specific question. So I'm seeing them for the first time.
12/5/12 there was a $250 purchase at a sex toy/lingerie shop.
I can tell you that was not me, nor was it for me.
So he is cheating. And he really suxxx. I'll feel sad about it right now and maybe a few more minutes, and then I guess I'll get back to what I'm doing.
Nice that he spent more on this crap than his kids at Christmas though.
((AD))
BIG HUGS!!! He does sux, plain and simple. No way around that.
And the christmas stuff...yeah. That blows!! My H took pride in the fact that he spent more $ on my present than is mistress. Yes. He said that. To. My. Face. But he did have ME order MY present. I doubt that she had to shop for hers...
Men are stupid.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
If that's the only suspicious charge there in 12 months maybe he's not cheating, I would think you'd find more than that. It would explain his behavior though, did you ask him about it? He could have been buying porn or something for himself.
Given how controlled he is do you think he would hand that to you without reviewing it first if he felt he had something to hide? I would have thought if he was feeling guilty you wouldn't have gotten that statement.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I do think if he had been cheating or there was an OW, you would have had more 'signs'...the most important one coming from your gut. In all of the posts you have written I can't remember you alluding to that as something that crossed your mind.
And I agree with Accuracy about giving you the statement in the first place if he felt he had something to hide.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
