I could be way off base with what I'm about to say, and I apologize in advance if that's the case.
DBing, as I understand it, is about YOU. I pick up from your posts that you "try out" different behaviors in an attempt to get a response from your W. VERY UNDERSTANDABLE. But, I think according to DB guidelines, not the goal.
If going dim/dark works FOR YOU, then do it. If not, then don't. All decisions need to be based FOR YOUR BENEFIT, not to get a reaction from the MLCer. Remember the zero expectation policy.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I know personally how hard it is to go day after day without seeming to be seen or heard by my H. Sometimes I wonder if he'd notice if I set my head on fire
Its all really hard MM. Its all a juggling act - caring for the MLCer, caring for the children, and caring for yourself. Its counterintuitive to NOT address what seems to be the cause of such turmoil - the MLCer- but that's what has to be done. Care for yourself and your children - do what works for you and them FIRST.
God bless
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
