Saw H at daughter's basketball game tonight. Ways of improvement, seeing he's open to friendly status: he texted me and asked if I was there & where d15 & I were sitting. I told him but didn't invite him to join. Texted excitement about the game. He came to find seat after first quarter and gave d15 a snack and I motion invited him to empty seat beside her. We chatted a little over d15 but she was visibly upset about him being there and I tried to be comforting to her. He left after the next quarter. So the good thing is that he didn't pull his phone out that I saw while he was sitting with us. In the past he's used his phone to distract/ignore us. He texted me after he left for updates on the game and I replied with excitement about our team winning. I was upbeat and having fun the entire time regardless of his reaction. D17 was really upset afterward that he left so early and left without saying goodbye. But I reminded her that he was there and 'present'/didn't hide behind his phone and we can't control his actions so feel the disappointment but then let it go and don't hold on to anger.
I had a great time knowing I did my best and modeled my best for my girls.
A friend asked me today why I'm holding on to this relationship so tightly when I 'can't be happy' with him. I told her that she's right, the old me couldn't be happy with anything. The new me wants to try. Maybe H will want to try someday too. I think if I can keep up the happy/friendly approach I'll at least give him something to think about.
