Is there light at the end of the tunnel Part 1?

[Bel123]

Just spent the evening with W, S, and her family as it was FIL’s birthday. It feels so awful to looking back how things were so much better before. MIL asking me when was the last time I took a vacation and how they can look after S so we can go out. Trying so bad to detach and gain that confidence I was known to have when all these emotions are going through me. I wake up at 5am in the couch feeling like crap hoping I just woke up from a bad dream then realize this is reality. Keep feeling like crap at work and then I boost myself up. Tell myself I need to detach. Read my little goals of all the things I working on and pump myself up. Actually accomplish some of the daily goals like being positive. I continue so well and then boom, back down to feeling like down and sad. It has been like this for a couple of month now and it has gotten easier but still has not stopped.

I have to go visit my family for the weekend as my father is not doing too good and I know they will ask how things are. I don’t know what to tell them. Since my father has been sick, they haven’t been able to seen my S for some time now and I need to take him with me on my next visit. I feel so bad that my folks are not close by like W’s where they see their grandson often but that’s something I need to fix and not feel bad about.

I had dinner with a close friend the other night and he sort of known some of the problems W and I are having. He broke up with his GF of 3 years a few months ago. I told how W wants out and how she is confused and does not know what she wants. I was telling him how I asked her to really thing about it and not just make a decision after a fight. He told me something I did not think of. He said he knows W is the type of person who does not like anyone influencing her decision. He has known her as long as I have so he is right. I did not see it like that at all but now I see it, she is feeling pressured by me feeling I am trying to influence her decision. All this time I am thinking that I am sharing my feelings, all before she use to give me a hard time about not sharing my feeling. Now that I am sharing them, she sees it as me pressuring her? I need to pull back, detach, detach, detach.