25yearsmlc

[25yearsmlc]

As I posted over there, it is HIS thread. If WE feel frustrated, it probably shows too much and WE need to move on.

I pondered Cats post (though I was off on which one I guess) but the realization I had was that don't have to appoint myself the DB coach defender (fwiw, the help I got here on these boards was a HUGE release for me, and a healthy support tool...cannot say enough about it).

I felt that others, not SM, were challenging the "DB ways" and there are times I think THIS is not the place for THAT. But our roles here as "vets" are undefined and when we see a point of view we THINK is not DBing,

maybe we have to agree to disagree and move on.

ALSO, fwiw, CAT--I DID say my typical gut feeling is as yours, re the coach advice. That is, if some poster tell us that their DB coach said 'X & Y" and none of us think that sounds right

I almost always feel there has been cherry picking/and or editing.

SM has misquoted me more than once so I also wondered about that...but still,

as you say the solution based nature of this site is what appeals to me.

At a workshop I attended recently, there was a man who had been very troubled with intimacy, due to extreme sexual abuse he suffered as a child. Very sad.

As a L, I used to do those cases and even for ME, this man's tale was a rough one. The point was, okay, it happened.

THAT ABUSE was terrible...and...so...what now?? How to go forward?

I think newbies get stuck on BUT WHY?? And God knows, I sure did.

But really once we nurture them thru the phase of just wanting to end the pain of it all and to learn to BREATHE and that they will survive, etc...

THEN the other work begins...the finding or creating solutions.

Like I said somewhere around here, there is a line between those two phases.

I have to work on letting someone "wallow" a bit more sometimes before they go forward.

OTOH I worry if they do it too long, they'll miss one of the best most horrible chances for personal growth, that comes our way in life.