Hey Intact, my thoughts and prayers are with you and am sending some good energy your way
The first few months sukked.... No really, they always do. The only thing that kept me going were my kids, my GAL, my friends. I realize this is even harder with the loss of your dad, but that is the very reason, you need to concentrate only on you at this point. You only have a limited amount of energy. Use it wisely. Save yourself first...everyone else comes after.
Someone wrote that when there is trouble on an airplane, you put your mask on first. Dude, you got trouble on your flight, put the mask on.
Thoughts, love and prayers to you and your kids Intact. It is like a flip of a switch how life changes. Your sitch is like mine in that way. it was false. Though you will realize with hindsight where the dysfunction was. If they can't be honest with themselves, they won't be honest with you. I lost my dad suddenly 19 years ago. He adored my wife (then fiancé). But you know what? I still feel him with me. I feel him guide me with my kids and I appreciate that everyday. Your dad may be gone from here, but he is always with you. Stay strong pal.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Thank you for all the new replies; adinva, Spartan, Inside Out & Floyd Man - they are very much appreciated and helpful...
I am trying to be as strong as I can be for my Son - all of this just all seems to have come together... It's also our 9th Wedding Anniversary today... I know I shouldn't but I do wonder if it has even crossed her mind.
Our Son seems ok - he still gets very upset; when he's with me he misses his Mum and vice versa. There's almost 2 sides to him at the moment.
When I have him he's the boy I know - kind hearted and helpful my Wife seems to have this monster that has temper tantrums and tells her too "f off" etc - it's really can't be nice for her. I have tried talking too him and telling him its unacceptable...
Will be seeing W tonight as we have a Parents Evening together to find out how he's doing at school... should be interesting.
My 180s are still in full effect - I have complete control over all of my finances, the house is spotless and I haven't got angry with W in a long time (not that I see her much).
The GAL is going ok but has been disrupted by my Fathers death - hopefully after his funeral on Friday I can continue - it is somewhat difficult at the moment as I don't have a car and really can't afford one for the time being...
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Hey buddy, I thought of you this morning while driving to work. Just wanted to let you know we're thinking about you today.
Glad your son is doing good with you. I'm sure you don't need me to say it but stay close to him during this time and keep reinforcing that he needs to respect his mom and that you understand how he feels. Think of it as a perfect opportunity to teach him some life lessons about being a man.
I liked Inside's analogy of the flight and putting on your own mask.
In my opinion I would treat tonight's Parent Evening with your W as a business deal. Don't expect any sympathy, don't expect her to say anything about anniversary and don't bring it up yourself. Just sit down, learn how he's doing at school, ask a few questions, have a little small talk if YOU are capable without getting hurt, and then drive off thinking how fortunate you are to have your son.
Stay strong today and during the next several.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Hey buddy, I thought of you this morning while driving to work. Just wanted to let you know we're thinking about you today.
Glad your son is doing good with you. I'm sure you don't need me to say it but stay close to him during this time and keep reinforcing that he needs to respect his mom and that you understand how he feels. Think of it as a perfect opportunity to teach him some life lessons about being a man.
I liked Inside's analogy of the flight and putting on your own mask.
In my opinion I would treat tonight's Parent Evening with your W as a business deal. Don't expect any sympathy, don't expect her to say anything about anniversary and don't bring it up yourself. Just sit down, learn how he's doing at school, ask a few questions, have a little small talk if YOU are capable without getting hurt, and then drive off thinking how fortunate you are to have your son.
Stay strong today and during the next several.
Thank you Spartan this means a lot. Is this the general consensus not to mention the Anniversary? I was just going to say something like "I did think of you today" I just don't want to seem cold or like I've forgotten what an important day it was.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
It will hurt you if she acts cold, it will hurt you if she sounds sad and maybe there's a chance and what is she thinking, it will hurt you. Do not be the first to bring it up.
Where you are at, and with how extremely cruel she's been (in order to get you to understand what she's trying to tell you), you would be completely justified to not give her a scrap of marital attention on this anniversary. Don't do it.
Have an idea of how you will respond - noncomittally and not pursuing - if SHE brings it up. Some ideas: "yes, it's still worth remembering," or "I know. I hope you are well." or "yes, it had me thinking too" and then CHANGE THE SUBJECT. Be ready to do that.
I think your goal needs to be getting through today with as little damage as possible. It's just a day. Don't think about it.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Thanks adinva I will take this advice. So incredibly sad though that for 9 years we have shared and done so much - and now we are at a point where we can't even say Happy Anniversary.
I don't want to sound like the victim but sometimes I feel like a Husband who has beaten/abused their Wife. I told my Wife I loved her morning, noon and night. Just so very sad.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Well parents evening last night - we got on ok and we were pleasant too each other. She asked if I was going out and I just replied yes.
My W looked very good and seems really happy - I'm starting to wonder if her R with OM could be the real thing... Just don't understand how she can be so happy...
Been a few days since I stopped initiating contact - and she hasn't contacted me once - starting to wonder if the distancing is the right thing to do - it just seems if she thinks I'm moving on she will be happier with her decision - guilt free - it's like it makes it so easy for her.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Thinking about you today brother. Will be thinking of you tomorrow too. It will be a rough day but know that you have people on your side like us praying for you. Remember your dad. I lost mine suddenly 18 years ago and still kiss him but know too he is right with me at times. God bless intact and stand tall. Also, I too wonder if my distancing makes it easier on her. Who knows....I think in the long run its will make it easier on us as hard as that is to see right now for us. Sometimes a little vindictive voice in me hopes she feels guilty and is struggling but I don't think that is the best way to think. We just need to remember who we are and our virtues and know we can hold our heads high. Blesses to you and all your family who are hurting with the loss of your dad.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
My heart goes out to you Intact. We're for you brother. Hope you got through the day okay.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
