Sitting in the back seat!

[Occy01]

Thanks for your reply!!

I cant believe how many of us are in the same situation. My wife is the same way rushing to get her own house and seems very firm in her choice to leave despite all my recent changes.

MC says ( and i agree!!) that she shouldn´t rush things. Such big decisions shouldn´t be made in a hurry. But then I think that she´s probably being planning this for a long while, so for her its not ´rushing blindly ahead´. Sometimes I even think that her getting her own house might not be all bad. Gives her space and time, gives me space and time to get myself and my thoughts together....just have to make sure that the lines of communication stay open!!! Don´t want to create an óut of sight out of mind´ scenario where we just don´t mee or talk at all!!

[Occy01]

Hi Luke. As goes her parents,just now I speak to them when I have to and not about anything to do with sitch. They are friendly towards me and ask how I am, so don´t think there will be a problem with a good relationship with them, when I am ready. They are very, very good people and it hurts me to know that I have ´lost´ them too. Even though they will always be there, It will never be the same...

P1... must give it a try. Maybe P2..All classical and opera. Must be safe with that!!

[Occy01]

So tired with these mood swings. Some days just go as if nothing is happening, other days filled with sadness,regret and a sense of loss of a future with W and family AS a family, and other days filled with anger. Anger at what W is doing to us, even though I know its not what she's doing, its a result of what we did or didn't do, she's just making the decision based on history. Guess its a kind of defense, get angry at her for 'destroying' our family. Don't like these angry days...just gets way too much sometimes!!

Helps to write it down here, keeps it in perspective...

[Occy01]

Guess its a kind of defense, get angry at her for 'destroying' our family.

Just clarify this anger is mostly internal... Wouldn't be constructive to confront W with these thoughts, even if they are a part of a natural process, doesn't mean they are right!!

[LuckyLuke]

Yeah, they would be destructive just now -

If you do sports, that is good - get some of the stress out -

Or at least take walks - all this bad energy needs to be cleansed from you -

Luke

[Occy01]

Just got hit by Another bomb. W is signing a contract on a house tomorrow.... Then I guess its just a short time until she moves out. When she told me, I just walked out of the room. Sad,depressed, angry. I know these emotions aren't helping my sitch, but there it is. Can't help feeling what i'm feeling....

Must try to get a grip

[LuckyLuke]

Good you just walked out, imo, at least she didn't get the negative emotions too.

Thinking of your pain - sorry to hear this -

Luke

[SemperFi00]

Occy01, great job leaving the situation without confronting. not an expert by any means but likely would not have been productive at that point.

Certainly understand the range of emotions being experienced (my sitch is similar). I struggle myself with moving back forth between compassion - because WAW must be sad, hurting, depressed, angry, etc.... even if they are not able to show it - and angry about the fact that they don't seem to see enough value in trying to work things out.....

Posting here is good therapy and sounds like you are making the best of a bad situation....

[Occy01]

Luke an SF00.... Thanks for your support. Feels like its one step forward and 3 back. Some interactions with W, I have control over my emotions...others well, lets say they don't go as plan! Tiredness and or uncontrolled emotions lead to a bad place, where I end up kicking myself!

W set to move out 18th march!!! :-(
We are planning a new meeting with MC this week, and i've booked in a private session with a C to help.me get to grips with this, and hopefully help me work on my own problems which have a part to play in why we are where we are...

Luke, in the middle of reading your thread...
SF00, will read yours and get back to you too.

Maybe cant offer so much expert advice, but an opinion, support and a friendly 'ear' helps too!

[Occy01]

Been in a sad place the last few days. Just when I think I am getting a grip, so emotions do a 180 and I get sad again. W to move out 18/3.... W decides we should tell D9 and S5 this coming Friday. Wonder how i'll handle that when I can't tie down my own feelings? Planning on being as strong as I can for the children. Don't want to paint it as "your mother has decided to leave" or " your mother is splitting our family."... Not looking forward to seeing the pain on my childrens faces....