First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Thanks for the insight, I really appreciate it. It helps to bounce things off of other people. Yes, I have re-read much of the book again, and am going through each of the steps. My goal right now is to rebuild a friendship. And the best way to do that is to talk and spend some time together. So far she has agreed to some extent to do this. Her responses have been either slightly positive, or neutral. I have not seen any negatives from it as of yet. She seems to be most receptive on the weekends. I just have to make sure that I don't ask for too much too fast.

I fully accept where she is right now and how she is feeling. Honestly though, I don't really understand it. She has never explained her feelings where I could understand them. Whenever I would ask she would get upset, scream, holler and call names. Most of her complaints always revert back to things that happened 10-20 years ago. Most of them were minor and usually were differences of opinion and/or philosophy. I fully believe that the root of most of this stems from our sons diagnosis of autism and then the sexual assualt that she suffered. She has never been the same since those incidents. I know that I can not change her, but I can help to change her opinion of me and our marriage by making changes to myself. That is my goal. Any changes that she makes will have to come from her, but hopefully I can help influence that by my actions and changes. I don't even talk to her about changes or our relationship, I just try to enjoy the moment and re-build a foundation.

I think that asking for what I want helps me to prioritize goals, let's me know where I am standing and gives me a path. She already knows my intentions and hopes are to stay married and rebuild our relationship. Every goal that I have and everything thing that I ask for is for that end. I just have to keep applying DB principles and learn to read signs.

I am trying to follow the two examples found in chapter #9 on pages163-190. Their situations seems similar to mine so I think that this is a good path to follow.