thanks for your thoughts, you can't know how much I appreciate your wise and thought-provoking posts. Therapy was helpful. It helped me realize that I am still trying to run the show in our coparenting relationship, and that I have to stop doing that. It helped me realize that OW is using H as a pawn in her game to feel fulfilled, to replace the loss she has in her life. She will attempt to use my boys too if she has the chance. I hate sounding overly dramatic, but this is very very serious stuff. OW is dangerous. I am really anxious about that. The situation is very sad at the same time. Believe it or not I have compassion for them.
Your words resonate with me. I am grateful and lucky and appreciative of all I have every day. Friends and family that want to help, that love me. I feel pity for H who doesn't have anythign or anyone but OW. I can make it with my friends. I take time to watch decadent junk tv, go visit with friends, take the boys on adventures, chase them around the house, tell them dumb jokes, and believe me, it means a lot when I asked my S8 if he was worried about me being sad--and he said--Mommy, I don't want you to be sad, but this is a sad time, and you're mostly very bright and happy. It cheers me up. I am not at any time curled up in fetal position. I am busy and trying to at least stay in the same place and not go backwards. I have a warm lovely home, two healthy boys, love in my life, and a clear mind and optimism. Next week I begin my training for the 5K. I am moving forward. But realistic. There is more junk to come. More threats, more legal junk, more snide comments and somehow I will repeast my detach mantra...again and again. H's actions are making this easier for me. I am also going to begin slowly and methodically packing and labelling his things. It will make it easier for me when he has to spend less time here packing when he eventually moves on. And therapeutic for me.
Every time I am half a straw away from the camel's back breaking, someone takes a handful of straw from me and my burden is less. It keeps piling on, but God is good and he makes sure that I can handle what I have, and sends his angels to relieve me just a little when I am at the breaking point. Hard but not impossible. Hard. But....Not Impossible.
