LOL. You're a lot like me... so much like me it's scary. I, too, read every single thing I could get my hands on to try and fix my problem. And you know what? It's commendable. Thing is? It didn't really help me. I was asking all the wrong questions. Sometimes, taking a step back helps. So let's simplify this a little because maybe you have way too much swirling around in your head.
What would you say are the top things you need to work on right now? What questions do you have regarding that?
You aren't going to save this thing in a day, you know. And the harder you try to control it... the harder you try to fix the marriage, the more out of control this will all get. I took a huge step back from my situation and was able to see my own codependency issues. 2 1/2 years into this mess and only now I'm figuring out. Why? I was asking all the wrong questions... focusing on the marriage, focusing on my H, focusing on fixing everything that I truly truly didn't internalize all of my own issues. I know you've heard this all before. I guarantee you have as I see already in your thread a lot of introspection. So, I"m suggesting, you start again. Beginner's mind.
It's a journey for sure. And some days it stinks and some days some INCREDIBLE gifts come out of it. You may not see that right now, but I PROMISE you there are gifts. In the meantime, keep on your journey and don't be discouraged.
