Going dim/dark is really for you, to help you detach and ease the insanity some. But if you do, I highly recommend Sandi2's 37 rules...and the advice to always be pleasant, just not initiating or "hanging on" to an interaction to get more. Since my W has stayed in-house, I have done more of a dim dance. When I went dim, yes, it increased her venom (especially since I remained pleasant and non-vindictive), but, at least in my sitch, W needed to express and eventually "burn-off" all her unexpressed anger until she realized that it wasn't me she was mad at anymore, but something else...so it was an unpleasant, but necessary course for her to realize where healing needed to come from...(within her).
I think as long as you can remain non-vindictive and act "as if" (and our W's know us very well, so you have to really get "there"), then going dim may help you, and also remind W of what may be lost/thrown away. And it gives her (eventually) less reasons to blame you for stuff since you aren't there as much to be associated with whatever it is she feels angry at. In my sitch, I maintained a respectful manner towards her, especially important when the kids were present, just distant and non-initiating (except for house/kid business)...the best metaphor I can think of is that I treated her like a co-worker who was in a different, but important, department.
That's my take, and I have read others here who say that the faster you detach and go dim, the faster (relatively speaking) they might move through the tunnel...but as always, your mileage may vary.
Hope that helps some... T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
