This is actually very nuanced. In general, if you want to save your marriage, you DO need to be friendly with your WAS.

The nuance is in HOW you do it. The WAS needs to wonder what you are doing and IF you are available to them emotionally. If they just assume you are, and your actions betray that, then there is *no hurry* for them to think about what they're doing, because you are the insurance policy on their shelf.

The general rule is to treat them as you would a neighbor or a friendly co-worker. You'll be friendly, polite, and courteous, and may extend small favors, but you're not going to go out of your way to make overtures, and you're not going to bend over backwards.

Don't be too available, don't be needy. Be friendly, but detached. You want to sun to appear to be shining over your head -- no storm clouds.

Anything you do to attempt to punish them or "make them face what they've done", or "teach them what it will be like without you" will more than likely backfire. It has to be loving distance, not spiteful neglect.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015