NOW hopefully, you'll BOTH see that you turned away from love given to you b/c it wasn't wrapped the way you wanted it...such a waste. Very tragic.
I know, mind reading, but he's only ever said "too much water under the bridge". Don't know how to help him see it's worth a real chance. Especially if we're both trying.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Fact is, h got glory and accolades at work that I was not giving him at home b/c I thought I'd be "rewarding" his neglect if I showed love to him....I was a prideful fool.
That's exactly it. It was my "permitting" mentality. And it never occurred to me that if I were happy he was home, when he was home, maybe he'd want to BE home more often. Nope. Wasn't in my brain.
And during the fall of 2011, D15 had some problems and he was the one that ordered books on parenting a teen and strategies for parents. And I wouldn't read them.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Hmmm. Wonder if he thought you were NOT trying? Food for thought
I'm sure you're right, again. He brought those books to my attention a couple times. I didn't think it was the answer to the problem, I remember saying we need action, not a manual. I could have praised his way of doing things and probably would have gleaned some useful help. I could have made it a team effort. I just pushed it all away and ran into the sitch with guns blazing and my bull headed thinking (re: d15) stayed like that for months. AND she came around so I thought I was right on top of everything else. Again, I wish I could share this with the one person who needs to hear it most.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Tell him nothing of this now. He has heard words from you before. SHOW him something new...nothing drastic unless you know of a gesture that would mean a lot to him. But generally, it's not the dramatic gesture that generates trust, just momentary notice.
Okay, but how can I show him the new me when our total interaction is restricted to seeing him at kid concerts or events? There's just not a lot of chances. And, truly, to him - not privately in my house, my kids know the real truth - but I've been modeling pma and a changed attitude for months. And months. Really. And now that I have a new direction, the remorse and friendship and effort of forgiveness will hopefully come through too. And I'm stuck until something cracks either way. Limbo stinks!
Something has changed in my brain though. Because instead of being super frustrated with limbo, I'm just contemplating the new life I'm creating. With or without H. Hopefully he'll want to be a part of our new life. I think I feel contentment for the first time in forever. Wow - another ah ha moment. I'm posting all of this so I can go back & read it again when I'm feeling desperate. I guess that's journaling.
