Still working on me

[sweetbabyred]

LJC, nice to see you back! It does seem as if he's getting glimpses out of the fog, but I'm not sure if he's strong enough to take any action.

H mentioned that he keeps hearing two conflicting ideas. One person (which I figured out is me) keeps telling him he's a good person and he needs to become the strong person that he really is. The other (OW) keeps calling him a pu$$y and telling him to become a man. Ironically, then she has him do her homework!

After we got off the phone, I sent him a text telling him that the best way to show he wasn't a pu$$y was to stop doing her homework. I told him that he was better than that.

His response was that he didn't want me to think little of him.

I told him I'd always love him and that he deserves better. Because I care about him, I'd tell him the truth, just like his family and real friends would.

He thanked me for telling the truth and I told him that he might have gotten off easy because I'd done shots of tequila right after work to celebrate a friend's birthday and I tend to be better at censoring myself when I've had some alcohol.

Then for some reason, I didn't get text messages for about an hour, but H had been sending them. So all of a sudden I keep getting old messages.

First he sounded sad that I needed to drink before talking to him (like I had any idea he was going to call!), then said he still loved me and always would, that he knew I'd changed and wished it had happened when we were still together, then that he was going to drink until passed out. Another message wished me a nice life and said he'd never bug me again. The last said it was rude of me not to reply.

It was strange to have him chasing after me. I did text him back and we had a conversation for almost two hours. He had been drinking so who knows how much of it he'll remember.

H admitted that he doesn't feel very smart, and although he thinks he might have picked the right partner with me, he's scared to try again in case it goes wrong again.

It's so sad that he's going through this. But I guess this is what I went through about two years ago and he's finally starting to deal with his issues. I hope he does something about it. We might not be able to save our M, but he needs to save himself.

I've got to get back to school work, so I don't feel guilty about taking the night off to go to the Irish Festival.