I believe that dropping the rope and following the 37 rules is the best strategy overall. Unfortunately, I think that I have taken it as an excuse for passivity and inaction. A couple months ago, I tried "laying down the law" about W not bringing OM around my kids. She refused and has continued to bring him around my kids. Now, I've never met OM. When my kids talk about him, I pretty much tune out or try to change the subject. I have felt (and said) that it is not good for me to talk to our kids about my wife's infidelity. Despite her parading it about pretty brazenly, my kids do not have any clear understanding of what is tearing their family apart. Actually, a while back my wife did talk with my boys about one reason she has for wanting our marriage to end. She told them I was fired for looking at naked women on my computer at work. This is true, and a shameful and destructive part of my life that I am working hard to rebuild, career-wise as well as emotionally, etc. I felt it very irresponsible to share this with 8- and 9-year-old boys, but once the box had been open I went to work and have had several conversations with my sons that are very necessary even if I think some of it is coming early. It has been good for me as a father and a man to confront that situation with love and confidence. Well, I'm thinking that some other hard conversations might have to be confronted. I feel that I need to give my wife an ultimatum: if I hear that you have brought my kids around OM or him around them, I will talk with them about what is going on from my perspective. I hope that concern for my children is a bigger part of this than my pride.
Really need advice on this, including how to approach it.
