It sounds like you tried to act like you would if you had the ideal partner. But, you will never have the ideal partner, which makes it a pretty useless exercise.
Moreover, I don't believe that you really want to be a partner who martyrs herself and self-sacrifices so much that it leaves you tired and sulking. So, you didn't really behave as a person with healthy boundaries, which I assume is part of who you would want to be.
In any case, the idea is to do a writing exercise, not to "act as if." I have no idea if such writing would give you pleasure. I would think instead that it would be difficult and painful at times.
The purpose in writing it down is to genuinely examine your life and your contributions to your situation. As for whether it would make a difference in your life, I don't know that either. It seems to me that your resistance and reactivity are high. But, it might nevertheless help. Especially, if after one month, you do a second month, and then a third month... In any case, who knows, it might help. Certainly you can't know without trying it.
Remember, this is different from "acting as if" or some such. The idea is to: (1) work on the written exercise and (2) stop your thoughts that involve criticism/complaint/fixing/analysis of H in your mind and on paper.
It seems like your posts here allow you to act out to self-medicate rather than to make change within. You have acknowledged your sickness of over-functioning. This is part of being codependent. It might be helpful to post at co-dependents anonymous in addition to here or instead of here.
