I do understand what you are saying, and I see your points...
I have been through this, and I had to make a choice with it. I had the choice to sit back, and be the person that I wanted to be, the person that I was striving to be....
Now I had been accused of being controlling and manipulative, to which I had worked through those issues, or was working on them...
So my choice was to either address them, and actually BE that person, or to remain steady in my ACTIONS with who I was striving to be.
I realized that NOTHING can come between a daughter and a mother, that they didn't cause themselves.
I addressed the disrespect from her that was part of the fallout, and I dealt with things that came up when they did.
I was honest when she asked questions, and I became a safe place for her to talk about it.
I WAS concerned with what she had heard, and it bothered me greatly that we had a pretty rough couple years. What happened with that, is that we are stronger than ever, and we continue to build on that relationship daily. I do not allow her to disrespect me, and strangely enough, I do not allow her to disrespect her Mother in front of me (which happens quite often now).
I lived by a code, that it wasn't my job to facilitate, or dictate their relationship, my only job, was to not damage it ( thank you Grace_O)
What she saw daily, were CONSISTENT actions from me being PARENT to her. And ultimately, what she had in my X, was another friend, and as most of us know, in a teenage girl's life, friends come and go....
Parents stay....
Did I want to confront my X her on her parenting ? Hell yes I did...
Did I want to get in the mud pit and fight on her level ???
Not in a million years....
The ONLY thing I ever said to my Daughter was...
You probably hear some things that you shouldn't about me, and all I can say, is that things aren't always what they appear. You are smart, listen to everything and make YOUR choices based on your own information
