"How about for one month you stop any thoughts about H's flaws, problems, errors, lack of follow through, etc. That is for one month, STOP yourself from focusing on H and any criticisms and complaints you have of him.
Rather, write down all the ways in which you are a flawed partner. Write down how these flaws have harmed your relationship with H and others. Write down all the ways in which you are stuck and choose to stay stuck because of fear. Focus only on yourself. Do not write down *anything* about H that involves his behavior, thoughts, feelings. This limits you to statements like: "I am afraid H will leave at a time when it is inconvenient for me." "I demonize others and play the victim when I describe a lack of follow through on good intentions as lies and deception."
Also, write down all the ways in which you are a great partner. Write down how these traits have helped your relationship with H and others. Write down all the ways in which you are moving forward even in light of of fear. Focus only on yourself. Do not write down *anything* about H that involves his behavior, thoughts, feelings. This limits you to statements like: "I am able to be open to H not meaning to hurt me even when I feel hurt." "I sometimes try to give genuine space to others even if I don't like how they choose to do something."
Rinse and repeat. If you find yourself writing about H, mark it out with a Sharpie. If you find yourself thinking about H's issues, STOP it. Turn to finding a parallel or somehow similar flaw in yourself."
