First Timer

[adinva]

I was trying to figure out what step 3 you were talking about. Sandi's 37 rules #3 is don't try to get your spouse to read DB/DR, by the way. So I checked out the first chapter of DR posted here on the site and it says:

In the third step- Ask for What You Want- I will encourage you to approach your spouse with your newly developed goals. I will suggest ways for you to do this and strategies to use if your spouse isn't as receptive as you would like.

So, it's good that you're reading MWD again, but have you read more than the chapter title? Reread it and think about how the chapter addresses the WAY you ask for what you want, the EXPECTATIONS you should (not) have when you ask, and the PURPOSE of what you're asking for.

In my opinion, if you want to spend some time together where you can talk, that's not inherently a bad idea. If you ask for that, and give her every right not to want to do that, and have no expectations or hope of controlling what she says or how much she enjoys this time you plan, it's not inherently a bad idea. If you consider asking and spending time together a CHANGE from your normal behavior (since she doesn't want to be with how you have been), then it's a 180 and you observe whether it draws her closer or pushes her away, and decide for yourself whether it was good and should be done more, or ineffective or damaging to your cause and should not be done more.

I haven't heard anything yet in your new posts that indicates that you understand and accept where she is and how she's feeling. I only hear that you don't want her to do what she's doing, you don't want her to feel how she's feeling, and you want to talk and convince her to change. But unfortunately it does not work that way.

Can you read section three and come back with some ideas on your own about how "ask for what you want" might apply to you?