First and foremost get a copy of SSM! Really important.
My Wife is the Low Desire spouse, I am the High Desire spouse. At first it wasn't that she was withholding the intimacy, it was just that she didn't understand my need for it. The best description I've come up with is trying to explain the color red to a color blind person.
After time there became power struggles over it, manipulation, etc.
At the end I tried really hard not to pursue her for sex and months would literally go by without sex, until I broke down and pursued again. I'd say something like "honey you know its been 3 months since we made love" she'd say "no it hasn't". I'd point out some bench mark, like the 4th of july or whatever and she'd realize I was right and she'd say "oh thats terrible". but nothing would change. I became VERY bitter. Lots of "well "F" you then" always internally though.
So no I didn't get to the point where I would reject her, but I can see how it could get there. Its like pouting, "oh so now you want some huh? well too little too late".
The way to get past that is to work hard at building empathy, so he can see you are trying to take responsibility for your role in it.
So things like. "H I know that my withholding must have hurt you terribly, it must have felt like I was________, _______, and ______ (fill in the blanks with your own experience. I am trying to take responsibility for it, please tell me in your own words what it must have felt like"
Then the hard part. You just have to listen to it and NOT GET DEFENSIVE. Just take it in and say "God, I'm sorry to have inflicted that on you. This helps me understand. and I want you to know that I'm doing whatever it takes to make sure I never do that to you again"
There will be a time in the future for him to address the wounds he inflicted.
Also be sure to address those things that may have contributed to your low desire. Go out and exercise. Have a hormone screening from your Doctor, deal with depression.
