Another dollar in my one-man show

[Big Bruce]

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Hi all,
Just journalling, it helps me release the dark ink inside me.

W responded she didn't want to share the driving, her ego is sore pissed off at my obtaining so much time with S. (proving her wrong).
I live 10 km from W. Which means that at every visit, I have to drive at least 40 kms. Driving time is therefore 4 times 20 minutes, ie one hour and 20 minutes.
There are three visits a week, and this schedule is set until end of June, that is another 4 months. A quick math shows more than 2000 kms, hours of driving and many $ of gas.
I'm wondering if it's worth going to court again for that? Or just shut up and receive one more stick smack in the mouth?
I think that any judge will say half driving each, because really there's no reason for all the burden to be on me...

Young Bruce has adapted well. We went ice skating today, not that he stands on his own skates, but we had a great time. I hold him, and he wriggles his legs on the ice and laughs because the feet don't have grip...

Lately I have been tempted to leave everything and go far, to South Africa or Australia. Take off my wedding band, start afresh, pretend none of this happened.
Maybe in ten years, I'll get in touch, S will understand: there was nothing more I could've done, W was too hard on me, all her family is against me, I'm not on my turf, not able to proceed anymore, I gave up.

I don't know, seemed a crazy idea in the beginning, but I'm more and more attracted to it. I could be hired easily, there's demand, sell my things here, only take a plane trip, and in three months all this would be a far away nightmare, I'd be smiling again in the sun.

Or give it 6 more months, just enough for the summer to pass by, and see if W is still as nasty, then decide.

Just ideas, just ideas...

[PatientMan]

I understand your frustration, but there isn't anything short of killing me off that would pry me away from kids, and even in that case I'd find a way to visit them in their dreams. I have no idea how that option could be attractive to you.

Maybe she's testing you and it appears you are failing. Suck it up for awhile, stop complaining, don't EVER quit on your child, and you'll earn her respect back one day.

[movingon-1968]

Grow up and man up. None of what you mentioned above makes any sense to a rational person.

Maybe in ten years, I'll get in touch, S will understand: there was nothing more I could've done, W was too hard on me, all her family is against me, I'm not on my turf, not able to proceed anymore, I gave up.

That's a absolutely WONDERFUL example of maturity and responsibility for your son to use as an example. And if you REALLY believe your left behind son would understand - you are sorely mistaken.

I don't know, seemed a crazy idea in the beginning, but I'm more and more attracted to it. I could be hired easily, there's demand, sell my things here, only take a plane trip, and in three months all this would be a far away nightmare, I'd be smiling again in the sun.

Or give it 6 more months, just enough for the summer to pass by, and see if W is still as nasty, then decide.

You seem to have learned nothing from anyone here. Look, the choice is yours and it's pretty simple:

Continue to be who you are now and follow your path you outlined above, and I can guarantee you that you'll end up in a similar position in the future.

Or, learn to be a better man and better father and have a MUCH more rewarding relationship with your son as he grows up.

The choice is easy. The work is hard. The only question you have to ask yourself is: are you man enough to do the hard work and become that better man??

[LuckyLuke]

Wow, to leave your 2 year old S behind, that seems absolutely irresponsible and morally reprehensible to me. It's easy to become a dad, but not always easy to be one. Do you want some other guy raising YOUR kid? You may not feel this way now, but my kids grew into the most precious thing I know - bar absolutely nothing - the most precious.

Maybe you can't fix things with your W, but your kid is your responsibility, and you owe them your best. If you have to, find another way, but not escapism.

Spin other scenarios. There must be another way.

Luke

[movingon-1968]

Wow, to leave your 2 year old S behind, that seems absolutely irresponsible and morally reprehensible to me.

VERY much in agreement with the above...

[MrBond]

"Maybe in ten years, I'll get in touch, S will understand: there was nothing more I could've done, W was too hard on me, all her family is against me, I'm not on my turf, not able to proceed anymore, I gave up."

Wow this sums it all up. You really haven't changed. You're still thinking of yourself over the needs of your son.

"Just ideas, just ideas..."

The problem is that you actually have those ideas to begin with. For me, I'd drive 8 hours if I could see my kids. I guess all that talk about how you'd do "anything" for young Bruce was all a lie.

[AnotherStander]

Lately I have been tempted to leave everything and go far, to South Africa or Australia. Take off my wedding band, start afresh, pretend none of this happened.

Wow, really? I have to admit, I have never once thought that myself. It actually turns my stomach to think that someone could be so selfish as to do something like that when they have a child.

Maybe in ten years, I'll get in touch, S will understand: there was nothing more I could've done, W was too hard on me, all her family is against me, I'm not on my turf, not able to proceed anymore, I gave up.

LOL! What color is the sky in this make-believe world you live in? Because in THIS world, your son will grow up to hate the father that skipped out on him. It will affect him deeply, he will probably act out in school and at home and be highly unstable. Then when this no-show father suddenly contacts him after 10 years he will be furious at him for just suddenly popping back in. The reunion will be short and bitter and the son will tell this stranger who claims to be his father that he never wants to see him again. That's how I see it playing out.

[movingon-1968]

I'm not sure 'Bruce' is really in the situation he claims. The more he posts, the more advice he ignores. I'm just wondering if he isn't a troll here to stir up trouble...

[Grateful]

Wow, this can't be real. How can a man that claims he would do anything to spend time with his son continue in the manner? Bruce, you still can't change a diaper correctly, you bring him home to his mother dirty, you have no idea about his allergies, etc. If these characteristics described your W, would you fight to make sure she doesn't see him? I have never seen such selfishness, and I thought I was the king of selfishness.

[25yearsmlc]

Follows
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2320066&page=11

Hi all,
Just journalling, it helps me release the dark ink inside me.

W responded she didn't want to share the driving, her ego is sore pissed off at my obtaining so much time with S. (proving her wrong).

Bruce, to me the rest of your words below, prove your w is SO right.

You do NOT care enough about your son to have him. You're far too concerned with measuring the driving time & costs, etc. After all this, She really does know you better than we do.

And btw, in many countries, child support can be enforced. IF you ever come back THERE to Canada, you'll have to pay arrears & probably get arrested.

So do NOT plan on attending his wedding or graduation or the birth of any of your granchildren...and tell YOUR FAMILY the same, I'm sure they'll understand.

Just don't plan on being in his life OR having your family in his life. Explain that to YOUR father...who you claim taught you so much about what it means to be a man, and a father.



I live 10 km from W. Which means that at every visit, I have to drive at least 40 kms. Driving time is therefore 4 times 20 minutes, ie one hour and 20 minutes.
There are three visits a week, and this schedule is set until end of June, that is another 4 months. A quick math shows more than 2000 kms, hours of driving and many $ of gas.
I'm wondering if it's worth going to court again for that? Or just shut up and receive one more stick smack in the mouth?
I think that any judge will say half driving each, because really there's no reason for all the burden to be on me...


I wonder what the judge would say if he saw this post?

Young Bruce has adapted well. We went ice skating today, not that he stands on his own skates, but we had a great time. I hold him, and he wriggles his legs on the ice and laughs because the feet don't have grip...

Lately I have been tempted to leave everything and go far, to South Africa or Australia. Take off my wedding band, start afresh, pretend none of this happened.
Maybe in ten years, I'll get in touch, S will understand:


Oh Really? B/C MY children still struggle with their father. He loves them and they know THAT. But h was a man who "HAD" to live in the wilds of Alaska & wanted us with him - but was willing to do it without us, which he did for a year.

We've been reconciled for YEARS now. But it's not all smooth with THEM.

So this Monday we will ALL go to a family therapist b/c my kids STILL have deep resentments (although he and I reconciled). IT'll be a long process and there is a lot of damage I hope my h will face and work to repair. At least I'll be there to help support him.

Our recon did not "filter" down to the kids the way I assumed. So I think you have a lifetime of rude awakenening to come, b/c your w won't "feel reconciled" to you OR any need to defend you to your son. She'll remarry and someone else will raise him. Maybe that is best...

My h was deployed to the MIddle East and to them, "dad is gone AGAIN".
That hurt them again.

If that hurts my kids, who are older than yours, what do you think playing on the beach & putting the nightmare of HIM/HIS COSTS, behind you, will sound like to your son?

So no, I do NOT believe your "son will understand" a damn thing you just said. I've spent energy defending my h, which your w won't have any reason to do.

My h had his crisis and he got sent to war BUT he always paid the bills and he always showed interest in in them AND he came back and he is trying. And he never left them b/c of the costs and hassle of conflict and childcare...

and yet they are STILL DEEPLY scarred...They each felt abandoned by him.
You need to grasp this^^^^...

You are trying so hard to convince yourself that doing a terribly IMMORAL thing, is somehow automatically going to be forgiven...b/c "nothing YOU could do..."???

But You lie.

there was nothing more I could've done, W was too hard on me, all her family is against me, I'm not on my turf, not able to proceed anymore, I gave up.

What are you talking about? You have gotten ONE court ruling, with mixed results and a temporary support order that ends in June.

What the heck kind of life have you lived? Have you NEVER had to TRY at something?

Have you ANY coping skills for setbacks? I've never seen a man cave in so fast, & on a weekly basis wanting to just take care of himself...and not his son, whom he professes to value...

I don't know, seemed a crazy idea in the beginning, but I'm more and more attracted to it. I could be hired easily, there's demand, sell my things here, only take a plane trip, and in three months all this would be a far away nightmare, I'd be smiling again in the sun.

So you'll "run away? THEN THEY'LL BE SORRY!" Why not live in a tree with a falcon and then you'll show them all!

That's from a story my son wrote when he was 9...he was angry for having "too many chores for a boy." .


Or give it 6 more months, just enough for the summer to pass by, and see if W is still as nasty, then decide.

Just ideas, just ideas...

To be clear, so if your wife isn't nice enough to you, you will abandon your son?

Read that^^^ to YOUR FAMILY and to your priest.

Then tell us again about those vows YOU made "for life" and "never would have broken" and how WRONG WRONG WRONG your wife was for leaving you...

but how it's just fine for you to desert the one innocent person in all this,

b/c hey, your feelings are hurt...