Wednesday, W ran over a 10" long nail - flat tire. Had to pick her up and take her to work - no biggie. I spent half the day just trying to get that fixed because it seemed that the deck was stacked against me - long story, not related to R moving on .
Had to go to W's work last night to look at our truck. Seems it was making some funky noise from the same wheel she had the blow-out on. Short story, got W and the truck home. D21 & D13 made dinner for us - ready shortly after we got home; was very nice.
Then... she did it again. We were having a conversation at dinner (all four of us), when W made a comment about something that happened probably 14 years ago. The sad part is, I can't even remember what the comment was now. But, I do remember my response. In a slow, calm voice I said the following:
W, I realize how that must have made you feel. I have apologized before for doing that, and I'll apologize again - I'm sorry. However, I'm not going to continue to apologize for everything I've done in the past, for the rest of my life. I don't throw things in your face that you have said or done that made me feel bad, minimized or neglected - and yes there are numerous examples I could give. My point is, I have forgiven and moved on and have no desire to re-open old wounds - and to be honest I simply don't think that's a fair or healthy activity for a relationship.
For the rest of the night, I acted like it never happened. I worked out, loaded and started the dishwasher, sat down for a few minutes to watch TV with the family...
Yes, I was irritated that she brought up the past again. Actually, I'm glad she didn't ask for an example because I doubt I could remember much. I know events like that happened because I can remember how what she did or said made me feel. But, I NEVER dedicated myself to remembering those times. I do have to wonder if it isn't a defense mechanism she uses to remind her of why she is/was angry.
My comment seemed to have hit home because she was rather humble for the rest of the night. Every time I got up to do something she'd ask me what I was doing. The rest of the night was pleasant and uneventful.
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