25yearsmlc

[25yearsmlc]

I would think the MC meeting is something your H should be initiating it right?

I planted the seed in H's mind about a family meeting but regardless I want the kids to have at least one meeting with the T so he can meet/know them, which will help him, help ME...make sense?

2 issues. MY R with everyone and

2) the kids & h's relationships and how they affect ME.

Why do you feel the need to fix their relationships? I mean at the very basic level - I know why.. but you are putting in the work here as far as I see.. or am i mistaken?

I hear you. And I worry about that aspect.

As you know, I feel pulled into their disputes. And I want to protect the hearts and the progress that has been made.

SOME of my getting pulled is okay and natural I think. ANd clearly h has the right to discuss parental issues with me obviously. We ought to.

But they resent him and he's not seeing it and I do not want to be the messenger.

By involving a 3rd party, aren't I stepping aside? That's the goal...

2) I want them all (especially the kids) to get tools so THEY can communicate w/their dad safely, and without me intervening and or trying to protect everyone.

SOME of their problems with him are unfair. Some are fair.

In your eyes - what would your kids and H be doing differently towards each other that would make you believe forgiveness/effort is happening?

First & foremost, RELAXING around each other. Not reading into everything and feeling defensive.

NOT coming up to me and telling me something that bugged them, e.g.,, "did you hear THAT? He/she said that 'x' and 'y' and that just grates on me..."
I always say, "Tell him/them that!" Unless it's too hurtful.

I believe some things have to be said though. The kids never got to hear him say he was sorry for leaving and sorry for what he has missed out on.

OTOH HE resented them for not writing more when he was overseas (I pretty forced them to w/guilt, but not that much. I understood their position but found a middle ground).

He is the parent; he deserves their respect. But he did leave us. He owes them something like an apology or some sort of truce about it, doesn't he?


I appreciate the feedback. This is new territory for me.

Where is THIS chapter in DR?