B, I dont think that your dad, the forum and al-anon are saying such different things. I think in at least one way, we are all saying the same thing. Take care of you.
I want to say something to you. There is no way you could have stopped this from happening. I'm sorry but you dont have that kind of power. This is something that he was meant to go through.
Could you have done things differently in your marriage? Of course, we all could have. But I believe we do the best we can with the knowledge and tools we have at the time. Had you known better, you would have done better. Hindsight is 20/20.
The main thing to remember is that you didnt do or not do anything in your marriage with the intent to hurt him or it. That is very important. So, B, forgive yourself. And really believe that this is not your fault. It just isnt.
I know that your instinct is to try not to rock the boat too much legally with your h. I think you might feel that you dont want to get him too angry. I get that.
Here's the thing. Your h is in crisis. And as he is in one, it is your responsibility to look after yourself and your children. That comes first.
I wish that I did things differently in that regard. It cost me so very much.
I know you are worried about your children. Is this going to be hard on them? Absolutely. But, they will get through it. You know how? You. If you are ok, then they will be, too. They are looking to you. You are their touchstone. And you want to show them someone with strength and courage.
