Dear Reb, we can all relate to what you've said. It can take a crisis for the light bulb to go off. Thankfully, we've get a light bulb moment learning from DB too, that we can improve ourselves and stop our expectation that its up to others to make us happy. We can hopefully mend the damage, before spirally downwards in misery and blame. Don't feel guilty, its an opportunity to grow. I hope you get a chance to tell your H all those wonderful positive things you can now see. We feel hurt and rejected, that's a normal response. Now you recognise what you couldn't before.
I dug out my notes. Briefly, Jody mentioned Stg 1 - Unilateral, letting dust settle, not stirring things up - The time out between you too may have helped with that.
Then in any interactions with him, the talk should be about him, try eye contact, attentiveness, being really interested in what he has to say, friendly, polite, neighborly, non-confrontational, don't worry about what the future holds, this could take time - You've made a small step and got a positive response.
Stg 2 - Moving to friendship stage, connection becomes more reciprocal, non-sexual flirting, fun.
Stg 3 - Romance.
I found that her advice was solid and I stuck with the plan. She was right on many levels. Keep going with your coach because its really tailored to individual situations. We get good general advice on the board. (I know, i know i'm a walking advertisement). Trust.
