OK, so my wife couldn't wait until tonight. She called me, but from her office she cannot really speak, so she says she's going to send me an email.
It had me crying.
She is in such turmoil inside that she hides from everyone else. She said she wanted to cry half the time, and was taking deep breaths the other half. She acknowledges that she is not herself.
She says she feels very lonely because even though she is surrounded by people, she cannot confide in them.
-- this really gets me, because I know she has told just about everyone we know! We don't have any friends left that don't know. Her best new friend is 10 years younger, single, unemployed, and alcoholic women that she texts constantly and sees once a week. She did tell me before that there are limits to what she confides in this new friend.
Her perspective of my 180's is interesting. She says, "I feel that your life outside the house is great" ... that "I'm on a mission to rebuild [myself]" But then she says she now thinks that I don't really want to be around her.
-- Two things -- first, clearly she has seen the changes that I've made, which is good. What gets me is her interpretation that I don't want to be with her. huh? She's the one who was going to the gym 4 nights/week and leaving me with our girls for several months.
The email tells me that internally she is in turmoil and it makes me so sad that I cannot really help her.
