I am certain that you can offer yourself arguments to rationalize not working on yourself.
If you want to find a happier more fulfilling life, though, the work lies within you.
If you can't stand not to focus on/fix/criticize/belittle and otherwise point to H as the source of your unhappiness for a month, how about two weeks? Or one week?
You've got to break the pattern. It is not helpful. You are stuck (at best).
STOP focusing on H's failings. COMPLETELY. Not forever, just for a decent amount of time.
And, I'm quite certain you don't see yourself as a martyr, or as controlling, or as stuck, or as externalizing things, or as.... You are quite adept at avoiding criticism on such matters. So what. There are plenty of very smart people here.
Choose to work on yourself, or not. But if you want to move forward to a happier place, that is the path upon which to embark. If you choose not to do so, fine, but quit complaining about taking the path to nowhere and finding that is precisely where it takes you.
