Wife said she was done!

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks for the warm welcome!

My drinking wasn't that bad, Friday & Saturday nights and a few during the week. I was never a sloppy drunk, always pleasant and funny, never drank & drove. Now that I have stopped completely I feel so much better & I know I never want to continue the way I was.

If you feel that much better, & "never want to to continue the way you were", then let's just say you drank too much. Also, no offense b/c I know you are in pain, but I"d rather not take the word of the drinker to describe how THEY are, as drinkers. Did you ever ask her IF SHE thought you were "always pleasant and funny" when you drank?

My father was an alcoholic and a highly functioning one. He held a good government job for decades, taught classes and had a PhD and a law degree. But trust me, he was an alcoholic. And not a funny pleasant one, fyi.

We were lucky when he just passed out. I miss him now that he's gone (liver cancer) and I deeply loved him. When he was sober, he could be a great father and he did indeed have some great strengths, along with some big weaknesses. He was, after all, just another flawed human.

But there's no way he wasn't an alcoholic b/c he did not drink and drive and b/c he was not a "sloppy drunk." Just some feedback...



Yes, the drinking was the main reason she said. She also said she dont love me anymore and she needed a change. Then I found some emails indicating she is having an EA with a co worker. It hurt alot.

I am doing my best with the 180 and to detach. Its tough. I wish she would stop walking around in yoga pants!

She did agree to go and seek some counseling for her depression.
I will stay away from the marriage counselor until or if she is ready.

You mentioned that you were "always there for her" or something like that. But in your first post here, you wrote:

I got the hint in September when she said her feeling were numb and she was blaming it on the anti depression meds. She wasnt very fun to be around so i spent most of my free time in the shed drinking beer and doing things around the house. Our communication drifted then in Dec she said she was done. Boom reality check for me so I stopped drinking, the pot, went to AA, started a diet and became more engaged with the kids.

To me this^^^ reads like someone who had an awakening that they had checked out of their family/marriage and now wanted back in.

Could SHE argue that You withdrew when she was neediest, and went to the shed to drink some beer..."communication drifted"...downward I assume?

And since you went on a diet, may I assume you got complacent about your appearance before this? Hey I'm not hitting you w/a 2 x4 ---We all do to an extent but it is symbolic, isn't it?

if you can, don't focus at all on the possible A with OM. Stay focussed on YOU. It's a rare OM who will take on a woman with 2 kids including one with a learning disability...

don't even go there...back to YOU!

So how are things with you, NOW??