And the Beat Goes On...

[tested metal]

I had a good talk with ex yesterday. I probably did not do a good job DBing, but I felt this had to be done and addressed in the following manner.

I told Ex that her depression is clouding her judgement and that she may fully intend on not harming D2, but her choices had gotten herself fired, which leads her and D2 to be "homeless" and "jobless." If it wasn't for her friends, who are not only lending a room for her and D2 to stay and giving her a job, which really makes far less than she had before with no benefits; or for me, who is paying D2's insurance, D2 would have no place to live, no food to eat, and no insurance.

I said that although I am dismayed with the situation, I realize that her depression needs to be treated and understand her situation.

I gave her proof that her depression was affecting her judgement (last 2 boyfriends and current firing). I even told her that all of her friends had come to me wondering what has happened to her because she changed dramatically once D2 was born.

Ex then admitted that her depression had made things bad and informed me that she had an eating disorder and blames herself eveytime D2 gets sick because D2 was born premature and underweight, because Ex was not taking care of herself while pregnant. I assured Ex that she was a good mom, and current illnesses are not her fault, but the consequences of her actions are starting to really affect others and she needs to get help.

She reported that the reason why she was moving to the other town was to get more support from her friends there, namely the saintly couple that decided to let her stay with them and get her life together. They have also been concerned.

Then I gave ex basically 2 choices. Choice 1 was that she would let me take care of D2 full time on a temporary basis with her getting D2 every toher weekend and holidays we agreed to; until she can stabilize her mood and behavior and get a place of her own and settled and then we'd go back to 50/50 status.

Choice 2 was that she could refuse and we would go to court.

She picked choice 1 and begged me not to take D2 away from her, to which I replied, I will not do that, unless you refuse to get help and are not getting better. I need to look out for D2 as no one else can right now and you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can even think about putting on D2s. I noticed my stomach felt relieved after this conversation and it seemed like the right thing to do.

To answer Eric's question, do I still have that small hope that Ex could come back? yes. Is it driving my decision process? no. I believe that ex is able to get help and recover from this if she chooses to. I also belive that this will be enough of an incentive for her to get help and make those changes, where she will stabilize and make better decisions for our child. I believe that if she is stable, then D2 will reap the benefits from both parents having equal time in her life.

I am willing to make that sacrifice for D2's sake, including the inconveinence of traveling. I will continue to have a Lawyer on hand in case this does not work out, but I belive that Ex would not put D2 in immediate danger of safety, but rather makes poor impulsive decisions when it comes to her self esteem. As I said before she is good with D2, just has not seen how her personal decisions could affect D2 later.


I figure if I am wrong, then ex will surely give me another chance to go for full custody and by then I will know that it is the last resort and right thing to do.