I want him to be happy

[stilllookingup]

I know 180 is all about being counter-intuitive but what if my issue before DB was being counter-intuitive? Now I think about it more and more, that was one of my biggest flaws.

My problem is I think too much. I have a problem enjoying things the way they are. I'm definitely one of those people who acts after I think. Since when I was little I cared awfully a lot about how other people perceived me. Maybe because my older brother was a trouble maker and my mom would always tell me that she was counting on me?

If I see a TV commercial I think about the story behind it really deep and my H used to make fun of me. "Man the things that go through your mind!" Because I think too much I often told my H "You know honey I admire a sponteneous person but I've realized that's somebody I'll never be" If you've ever watched the TV show, Friends, I am just like Monica. I just can't seem to do something out of order because I'm so organized and planned.

While my H definitely appreciates some of my organizing trait (I know this because he answered so on a questionarrie in the couple's group class) I don't think he liked my ever-unsponteneous side.

Like my best friends have told me, I need to loosen up. I need to lighten up. Ha! No wonder people love me when I drink and get silly.