Still confused...about everything.

[BRNR]

Okay, so I took a break yesterday from posting my life story...lol! Here goes my rounds from the last couple of days...

Tuesday after feeling a little low and really thinking about 25's post and all the things that were on point I prayed. I believe it has helped with my PMA to say the least as all of you know there is more going on with me than just this sitch.

So Tuesday night, H picks up my S13 from the impromptu rehearsal and brings him home. My s9 and I were making dinner (okay, really just me), when he got home. H brings him in, I say hello and S9 goes and talks to him for a few minutes. H was about to leave, and I invited him to stay for dinner, but he declined. It was a no biggie for me, so I had no feelings towards it. So I followed with an " okay" and said " we'll if you want to hang around some more and chat with the boys, that's fine, dinner won't be done for another 15-20 minutes. H did stay for that time and hung out with the boys until dinner was done cooking and left. Later that night, H texted me and said "thank you for inviting me to stay for dinner, I just wasn't hungry and have a good night". I responded and said no problem and for him to have a good night as well, and asked if he was hitting the sack early. He responded, no and asked if I was and that turned into a two hour texting session. NO OR talk, but just chatty life stuff.

Yesterday, nothing happened with H except he asked me when I would find out anything regarding my health, and I told him tomorrow.. He asked what time the appointment was and I told him the time and that I had taken a half day off from work. He said okay, let me know if you need anything, and I said thank you, but it was my first re-visit, so I didn't know how much I was going to find out. Also, my s9 started with the "I want Daddy to come home" talks again. I was really supportive and told him that I understood his feelings and that anytime he wanted to say them to me that I would listen even if it was ten times a day...he said good, because he was having a hard time telling Dad. I asked why, and he said because Dad is the one that left and he never gives him an answer. Poor kid. I told him that I didn't have an answer either, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't listen any time he wanted to talk about it, cry about it, or yell about it. I also told him that he was not wrong in feeling that way and that no matter what it was not his fault and I loved him and knew Dad did too. He smiled, gave me a big hug, and ended the conversation so we could play a card game. Whew!

Today, I had my appointment for my health issues and the preliminary results are that my new issues are not major, but I do have to get another test to confirm and then a possible procedure. Whew! Fingers crossed on the second test.

Also, something interesting did happen with H, he asked me to go to lunch (just him and I). I agreed to it, as I had the time and had to get something for lunch anyway. Now I was nervous as I thought, okay, he must want to drop the divorce bomb or something bad, but it actually went good. He talked a lot about work, the boys, life, and I listened. We even had a few good laughs. No OR talk, but that was good for me anyhow. I am not sure that I am ready for any of that yet. So I texted him a little after and said "thank you for lunch, hope to do it again" and a funny comment about something we were laughing about during the lunch. His response was "no problem, for sure, and that was hilarious". Wow, what a good positive!

So the past few days were good. I am getting better and having more good days than bad it seems. I think it is two for one right now, (2good/one bad) but that is okay, because I know it will get better. Here is to the rest of the night going good.