However deeply buried,feelings still bubble up

[keep_going]

L'
WOW...

Thank you so, so much for really spilling your guts here. It takes A LOT of courage to do so and I am learning so much from your experience.

I have to admit that it was painful to read, specially when you describe your SSM issues because I also went through that in my marriage and all the feelings you are expressing and all the pain you went through, I inflicted on my H. I can hear him through you and I feel so much pain and guilt for all the hurt I put through.

My H also started an EA (two months before leaving) which then turned into a PA about three months after he left. He is still with OW, more than two years later, and I have so many regrets re. our intimate life...I know now why he ended up with OW and how I contributed to the demise of our M and I would do anything to be able to fix things, although have now accepted that my H is gone and my M is over.

That is why I believe you are in such an envious position. You have an AMAZING, AMAZING wife and I am very glad to hear that you recognize and appreciate it. It also sounds like you are truly both working hard to heal the wounds and re-establish the trust within your marriage. You sound like a really solid guy as well. So I can only repeat that you are very, very fortunate to be in such a position.

As you probably realize now, your story is not unique, but there are particular aspects of it that make me think you might benefit from posting (and reading) in other forums of this site as well.

I would definitely check out the SSM forum, if you haven't yet. The advice there is very specific to your situation and issues and you will find an amazing wealth of knowledge and support. I think that until you guys deal with your SSM issues, you won't truly have a fulfilling M and other problems will arise in the future.

I would also highly recommend the piecing forum, since that is what you are your W are doing. Many think that once couples decide to try to rebuild, all is smooth sailing. As you have probably experienced first hand, piecing is probably even more difficult and over in that forum you will also get A LOT of support. I would also read from the archives from people who also had to deal with infidelity, like you and how they put their R back together.

L'I - keep posting, keep sharing - to vent, to journal, to sort through your feelings, to get advice.

I am really, really rooting for you - you seem to have your feet firmly planted on the ground. Hang in there!