"I knew Wellbutrin wasn't ADD, because *I* took it some time back for depression."
You might want to google that rather than drawing such a hasty conclusion.
How about for one month you stop any thoughts about H's flaws, problems, errors, lack of follow through, etc. That is for one month, STOP yourself from focusing on H and any criticisms and complaints you have of him.
Rather, write down all the ways in which you are a flawed partner. Write down how these flaws have harmed your relationship with H and others. Write down all the ways in which you are stuck and choose to stay stuck because of fear. Focus only on yourself. Do not write down *anything* about H that involves his behavior, thoughts, feelings. This limits you to statements like: "I am afraid H will leave at a time when it is inconvenient for me." "I demonize others and play the victim when I describe a lack of follow through on good intentions as lies and deception."
Also, write down all the ways in which you are a great partner. Write down how these traits have helped your relationship with H and others. Write down all the ways in which you are moving forward even in light of of fear. Focus only on yourself. Do not write down *anything* about H that involves his behavior, thoughts, feelings. This limits you to statements like: "I am able to be open to H not meaning to hurt me even when I feel hurt." "I sometimes try to give genuine space to others even if I don't like how they choose to do something."
Rinse and repeat. If you find yourself writing about H, mark it out with a Sharpie. If you find yourself thinking about H's issues, STOP it. Turn to finding a parallel or somehow similar flaw in yourself.
