Bklyn With Love

[BklynMom]

thanks Mtnman and grr sometimes its hard to know if I am the one that is crazy or not. I feel like I get so many mixed messages out there in the world like just cooperate and do co parenting and the kids will be fine. This is not okay to do to the kids.

This morning I had a meeting with STBX. My father/lawyer thinks I am a fool. That I am meeting with my abuser and settling for less.

H had two points of contention in the parenting agreement. 1. Is that if either of our kids needs to go to private school that it is a joint decision as its currently worded I can decide if the kids need to go to private school if a expert tells me the kids need help for some reason. (This is essentially a non-issue because both my kids appear fine and I am not from a private school background nor is my STBX)
I agreed that it can be a joint decision. My father told me that by agreeing to this I was accepting less then I was entitled to. That the point of the contract is to have an agreement not to agree to let STBX decide at some point in the future. If a professional recommends private school it should not be then be up to my ex to decide.

I see my Dads point but I also dont understand why we are debating a non issue.

My father thinks I am letting my abuser abuse me further.

It came up in that I said needed to protect myself as much as the law allows because I dont trust him. He looked surprised as to why I dont trust him because he is such a good guy (He seriously believes that he is a great guy and most people treat him as such - see No Mr. Nice Guy Syndrome) I said I dont trust him because - "I love you, I love you, I love you, I am leaving you". that is what he did.

He said that I treated him like crap for years saying I didnt want him to hug me all the time and not say I love you all the time. But then he said lets not get into it.

My father says this is BS. You dont leave someone and your 2 young kids because they were annoyed by your over affection. You get professional help. My father sees this again as STBX blaming me the victim.

As I sit here writing this I am remembering that it was annoying his constant need for me to express my love for him and validate his feelings. I see now that our communciation skills were so dysfunctional that neither of us knew how to have our own love tanks filled. But that is/was a very fixable problem but we didnt know where to go for help or that we needed help.

STBX discussed my fathers comments in a letter to his lawyer that STBX not allow his girlfriend to give my kids jewelry until the d if final, since she gave them necklaces for Christmas. STBX defended his girlfriend saying that she didnt give the girls jewelry to rub it in my face it was only for nice purposes but he understood how it could be upsetting. I just listened.

Then he talked about getting the kids to eat better food. I told him my tips. (I hate this honky doory co-parenting BS) My father says he is an a$$hole, who cares if they eat their carrots - look at what he is doing to their emotional wellbeing.

I did pretty good throughout the meeting didnt lose my composure.

I feel a mess right now, like my Dad is saying one thing, the boards another and alanon yet another.

I love(d) my H with all my heart and soul and I love my children. I know I misbehaved but have I not repented? Have I not gotten into my own recovery. How could he not know my love for him. How could he choose to be with this OW rather then fight for his children to have a whole family.

I am going to take care of myself today. Noon Alanon meeting. Called shrink becuase I ran out of meds. Wrote out this post, which was a lot of typing for me.