She left again

[Mileus]

I thought about it, but I can't do that to them. They are so angry with her right now. I did have to talk to her yesterday because I was filling out lawyer paperwork and I asked her to consider coming down a couple nights a week and staying with the kids so I could go out. I even offered to sleep on the couch if she needed to stay over.

It's just to go to the comic store and play Magic, but I'd pretty much given that up over the last year to take care of the family and I'd like to get back into it.

Unfortunately, she's been gone for 2 weeks and has only been down 3 times. I'm not sure I would be comfortable leaving her with the kids on her own. She's still in depression and drinks and smokes pot too much. (This really started when she met this guy.) Even before she left, she had trouble being with all 3 at the same time. She wasn't abusive, she just had trouble staying calm when things got stressful.

And as much as the kids miss her and are angry that she's gone, the two oldest have both told me that it's calmer with her gone. It's not easy living with a depressed person. The only one who really needs watching is my youngest, he's 16 but autistic so I don't like to leave him home alone and its hard for his brother and sister to watch him for long because he won't listen to them. I really do better with him than she does, a lot better.

I will be going for full custody of him and child support. She has agreed to let me adopt him, all 3 are her kids from her 1st marriage, but I have raised them as my own for 14 years. It's like she moved an hour away and just checked out.

As far as a break, I go out Wednesday after work with some coworkers, and have been trying to go somewhere Friday on my own. If I go out after he falls asleep, then the older kids can stay and make sure he's safe. (He is hard to wake with his meds.) Then Saturday and Sunday I do family things, flea market, movies, barbeque. This week we're going to the Medieval Fair Sat. and Frisbee Golf with my brother on Sun. He says it's fun, we'll see.

And as far as checking out, I guess I just find being there for the kids very fulfilling. I'm not sure I wan't a break. When she does come, I'd like her to feel relaxed and enjoy the kids, not be overwhelmed so she can't wait to leave. I don't know if that's right or not, but I feel she knows I won't abandon them, so she's not scared to leave.