A funny thing happened on the way to divorce court...
My therapist says something to me ALL THE TIME. "Nothing is as it appears." And it isn't. I remember sitting in my office while my H and his OW were carrying on an affair in the same company I worked in. I felt very isolated. I felt everyone was on his side. My H is EXTREMELY personable... EVERYONE loves him. His friends AND parents (who told me at my wedding that I was their daughter - yeah right) told him to leave me if he wasn't happy. I mean I really felt the whole world was against me. Well? Not quite. I was AMAZED by the support I received from both mutual friends AND complete strangers. I was so wrapped up in the few that were supporting him, I wasn't paying attention to the MANY supporting me. I came across a quote at that time that I really keep in mind all the time... "count on those who count but pardon those uncounted." NLW, you cannot change your H's mind or your in-laws. Give it time, though, because I guarantee it will come into focus for all of them. But in the meantime, your job is NOT to worry about those who are unsupportive but stay in step with those who are. I bet there are a lot more. Does it hurt? Sure. You feel that "family" is abandoning you. Everything is changing. But those that REALLY matter will be by your side. I know this will make NO sense right now but when you come out of this, it will. You will be thankful for this time in ways. If you do this right, you will have found yourself... AND you will find out who your true friends are. Sure the lesson hurts a bit, BUT you will be grateful.
There are no 2x4's from me other than to say boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. When he's acting in this manner, it's time for you to do what you are already accused of anyway... get your kids and yourself out of this situation. And do not be afraid to do this. Your H chose this path, not you. You are not responsible for his relationship with his kids. You are responsible for you. And I know I keep saying this, but so long as you keep your hands clean, you will be able to look yourself in the mirror later on and be proud of how you handled yourself. HOWEVER, keeping your hands clean does NOT mean not confronting your H when his behavior is out of control. That's protecting your children... whole different matter.
Sweetie, I know it hurts bad. I really know this. But operating from a place of fear, operating from a place where you're constantly worried about what people think of you (especially the ones that DON'T COUNT right now) will cause you far more pain. Hold your head high, do the right thing, establish boundaries, protect those children... and dream of better days that are sure to come.
