Yes it's hard, the thing is everyone on these boards knows exactly how you're feeling right now.
Originally Posted By: jp787
I only decide to open my stupid eyes when she says divorce. God this is all my fault and it [censored] so bad. If.. If only...
Yep, again most of us wouldn't be here if we would have opened our eyes and seen the signs earlier. STOP beating yourself up. You can't go back and change any of it so it's more wasted energy. All you can do is change you now, tomorrow, and the next day.
It's not all your fault. You own your stuff and that's it. I can guarantee you your W wasn't perfect. Stop taking all the blame and get to work on you.
As far as the things that were your fault...what are you doing to change them?
Originally Posted By: jp787
I guess I am asking if I should even fight for my marriage. I do love her and am starting serious therapy to change
Seems to me you answered your own question.
Originally Posted By: jp787
Do I have hope with how horrible I was to her?
There is always hope. There is hope that you will become a better person. There is hope you will stop obsessing over your W and start obsessing over you and start the work on you.
The hardest thing to get to sink in but it's awesome when it does is the help you get here isn't designed solely to save your M or convince your S to come running back and love us again. It's designed to help us become better people. People we know we can become. People only a fool would leave. If you can do that there is hope.
Who do you want to be?
What changes are you in process of making?
What layers of you are being pulled away?
What GALing are you doing? This is VERY important if for nothing else then to get your mind centered again.
Stay strong buddy and start worrying about you! Let's get to work
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
