We are going about our day. Being cordial to each other. No real significant changes recently that I have noticed, hence the treading water title. She is currently sleeping in another room.
Question of the day. W and I have continued to kiss goodbye on the cheek about 75% of the time. It is very awkward. At times, W does it and does not seem to think twice about it. Other times, she seems like she doesn't know what to do (which is probably true) but she will do it anyway.
Do I tell her that it is OK if she doesn't want to kiss goodbye? I don't want her to do it if she is only doing it out of a feeling of obligation or that she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. That can't be helping anything. Or do I just let it go and play it be ear.?
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Grizz, same here. We are cordial and kiss goodbye/hello. In my case, I don't see any value in saying anything. Sometimes, when I'm leaving, and therefore initiating the kiss, it does seem she holds back.
Maybe you think of it as a potential 180. Did you kiss goodbye previously? If no, then is this a little bit of intimacy that was missing? If yes, then maybe stop kissing -- a distancing move.
We have always kissed goodbye. I would stop it however she will initiate it also so I am not sure what to do. Like this morning, she had to leave early for work. I was still in bed, but awake. She came over to me to tell me bye and she rubbed me on the arm and said bye. She did a few more things before she left then she came over and kissed me on the cheek and said bye again. Totally confused!
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Grizz good question to post...I am way to new to answer it, but seems like she is the one initiating it...is w a very touchy feely person to everyone...
But also would say you must be doing something right if w is still doing this...
W and I have been having "normal" conversations more often. I am not pouting as much. Trying to laugh with her. She texted me today, angry about work, saying she has lost her last bit of sanity. I want to hug her so bad and tell her I love her but I know better.
On a better note, the record streak of days in the other room seems to be broken. She is back in our bed tonight. As far away as she can get but in our bed nonetheless. No expectations though for tomorrow night.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Ok guys I need some opinions. W interview went well. The new job (if she gets it) will have her traveling some. She has always been the one to take the kids to and from school. If she gets the new job then this will probably have to change. I am already at work before the kids go to school. She asked me if I would be able to change my work schedule to accommodate her schedule. I likely could but i don't really want to. I have a really good work schedule. My thought is if none of our issues were going on then I would not hesitate to go in tomorrow and change my schedule. However, if she is going to leave after she gets the job then I don't really think that should be a priority of mine. W and my girls have always been my number one priority and as I said before it wouldn't be an issue to change my schedule if all of this other stuff wasn't going on.
My answer was " honey, I will do what needs to be done". Said in an honest caring tone. I know this will come back up. How should I answer it in the future? Essentially, I would change my schedule if we were going to stay together but I am not sure if that is what I should do if she is just going to leave once she gets her new job.
Thanks in advance for the input.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Grizz, have you thought about how W would view whatever you tell her:
Choice 1 Grizz: I can't change my schedule at work. W: He doesn't support me. He's not behind me. He can't compromise and find middle ground with me. This confirms it.
Choice 2 Grizz: I can adjust my shedule at work. Let's work together to see what works best for both of us. W: He supports me and believes in me and is happy for me in my new job.
Don't know exactly what your W is thinking or would say. But it might be something like the 2 choices above.
If you want to work towards reconiliation with no guarantees it will happen - Choice 2
