normal texting feels like I'm permitting his abandonment
One thing to embrace is that you can't "permit" his abandonment. You can't control it, so appearing to condone it or condemn it is only in your head.
We all have pride issues when this happens. People who betray us should be punished and should suffer. You need to do a gut-check about what's more important to you -- your pride, or reconciling your marriage?
If you decide it's reconciling your marriage, then you have to act on that basis and put the rest in the back seat for now. That does NOT mean you should be a doormat -- you shouldn't. In fact, it's the best time to create healthy boundaries and establish what you will and will not accept.
If you respond to your H in an angry, sad, or punishing manner, then you will make him feel badly when he interacts with you, and as a result he will avoid interacting with you entirely.
In a marriage, we feel we are owed some level of common courtesy and respect, but as you will read here, the case of a walkaway spouse, that expectation is usually sorely disappointed, and continuing to cling to it just hurts your ability to progress.
Instead, you have to adopt the mindset that you are owed NOTHING, and that your feelings about what has transpired will need to be worked out on your own rather than jointly -- for now.
When you act neighborly and friendly, you make yourself "safe" for H to approach and interact with. If you are safe, he may rediscover all the things he liked about you to begin with because the black cloud over your head has been lifted.
This is a conscious choice YOU make to save your marriage, because God knows he's done the wrong thing, but there is simply nothing you can do about his actions.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
